Eek, a guy talking about “feelings”!
What would a guy know about feelings? Guys don't have feelings!
This isn't easy but I'll try and communicate it from my own perspective.
Guys generally learn from guys. More so, fathers. When we're given tasks and chores to do and we start expressing our sentiments we're told to be a man, and a man just shuts up and does what a man has to do.
While growing up when we begin to say anything about our bad feelings about anything we get told to be tough and buck up. That's what a man does.
When we hurt we're expected to be strong and not pout. Now we take pouting as expressing feelings. So we're trained that is wrong and makes us weak.
We learn from other men, fathers, uncles, whatever, that showing feelings is a sign of weakness. Then that gets supported by bullies that may find a weakness. A soft spot is the best to poke. Same as a weakness in a fort wall is during a battle.
Even many mom's tell their little boys that they need to just quit crying when they're hurt. You know, quit crying be a man. Then with the, your my little man. Oh, I know it hurts but your a man and you can take it. Maybe the worst I've heard was, get tough, your a man and I'll kick your a** if you don't quit.
So yah, we internalize. We wrap our feelings up in a neat little ball and learn to toss them in the trash. Well, they don't all exactly get thrown in the trash. Many feelings just grind away at out psyche. Sometimes it's not so bad, but sometimes they build an anger in us that is just waiting for an excuse to come out. But again... We shouldn't even do that.
Then many times if we try to express some feelings to a woman she throws that same line, “be a man”! No, not all women will do that but all it took was one somewhere in our past and we remember. We remember that there are soft spots and we can in no way let anyone find them or we will be destroyed.
We even get close to perfection with burying our feelings so deeply that we never even think of them. Even that nothing place I told you about in Nothingness on March 1st, has no room for feelings that have been buried.
You may catch us off guard and hear us begin to express a feeling, but we are usually pretty good at recognizing that and change the subject. Or just drop it.
That's why I'm having a tough time writing this. This is my feeling about feelings and it just don't feel natural. Heck, I've gotta p right now but I know if I walk away I'll never be able to come back and finish...
Now you want to talk about confusion, imagine what we guys go through trying to bury something as natural as feelings.
If you want your guy to talk about feelings, you'll have to nurture a trust that he'll feel will never be broken. Even one hint of a word about being a man and that'll be gone. Possibly forever.
Me, well for many years the only time I ever talked about feelings was in bed after a great round of s**. That was the only time I ever felt close enough to be able to let the inner me be seen.
Now, well I just don't care anymore. Should someone try and poke a soft spot, I'll just walk away and never see them or talk to them again. Heck, life itself has hardened me to the point that there are really no dangerous soft spots left.
Want to laugh at me? I'll probably be laughing right along. Want to criticize? Join the long parade of critics. It forms right behind me.
For any guys that may read this, what the heck. Why worry that someone will hurt ya with those feelings? First, ya don't need them in your life. Second, so what, your tough enough to laugh it off and you know darned well that the provokers have their own. Probably many of the same as you. Just toss that rock back at them. Ask them if they would like you to start talking about some of the stuff you know about them... By now I'm kinda sure you know that in todays world everything goes away anyhow. At least once it's out and ya quit letting it bother you, it can't be used against you anymore.
OK, so I've done what I can about mens feelings. For now... So I feel like getting outta here and smiling.
So why not join me in that today and we'll make it a smiling orgy! : )