Just my view of a real tough subject... Hope in some way it comforts or helps.
Why does heartbreak hurt like real physical pain?
Because it is. The entire body is one. When something hurts your brain it hurts all of you.
The you one day that knows all and then the next knows nothing and is left swinging in the wind with no direction, feels pain. Yes, it is only pain in the mind, but that affects or infects the rest of the body. Sore muscles or joints that can be overlooked when your world is right and you feel happy, now hurt with more vengence. Your mind hurts so badly that you lose your appetite for food. Your mind is a mess and your world and all you know or have ever believed are turned upside down, inside out and everything, absolutely everything comes into question. How could your mind possibly do the job of controling your body when it's so messed up...
Every one you see and the music you hear in some way reminds you of what you have lost. Smells remind you, sounds remind you, colors remind you, things around the house and everywhere else remind you. It just makes the pain hurt worse and last longer. Life itself becomes the ammunition used against your brain in what seems to be an attack to destroy you.
Or is it... Could it be possible that your brain is telling you to stop, slow down and heal? Let me form a scab so I can at least begin to heal? Is that how your brain is shouting out for a time out?
Do all the memories have to fester and the puss run out so the brain can begin to heal?
You've been through a traumatic experience. Even soldiers at war are never the same again. They become a new person with a new personality. Is it possible that because some do not allow theirselves to heal, but instead hide away all the thoughts and feelings that make some become cold and empty?
When the mind comes across something new, it is processed in thought and judgements are made. That's pretty easy when it's just a little information and your dealing with that everyday. We don't even notice... So how could we know what to do when “everything” we knew, held dear and made us the person we are is gone.
When we're with someone we become one with them. They may not be around every single moment, but they are a part of us. They are in our mind. When they are no longer there, a part of us and who we knew to be ourself, is gone. The pain we feel in our mind is a way to deal with the new beginning we must have. Process all of what we were and find the new person we are to become.
No one unlearns anything. Only learns how to use what is there. What perspective to place things in. Then can move on to another day. But as if all that is not enough to deal with!
Most times too there are the real physical aspects of a relationship that get in the way. The longing for physical gratification when the memories of physical gratification are fresh in the mind are strong and very overwhelming. Just one more mighty force for the mind to deal with. How do any humans survive...
I'm not a Doctor, Psychologist or anything like that. I'm just a guy who has been here and there and has been through some life. I do about everything I can to stay away from Doctors. Even sometimes until it's almost to late.
I have learned a little through some reasearch and have found it helpful to me. If it could help you then great but... BEWARE
Really bad heartbreak leads many to really bad depression. As I have read and understand it, depresion is emotional stress. Really extreme emotional stress has been shown to put people at more risk to develop heart disease and other cardiovascular diseases and thickening of artery walls! So if your really bad, do get to a Doctor and insist that you get help! I know that insisting on anything when your feeling sad is hard, but your health and life may depend on doing it!
What if your not that bad... Well I've heard it said to others and even heard it myself. Talk to friends or family to help ease the loneliness and pain...
Yah... Try. If you can. Maybe your lucky and can find, or already have someone who you can talk to. But way to often you'll hear the same old junk.
Some say just get over it. Some say it isn't real. Some say the heart is just an organ for pumping blood and has no feelings.
Yet heartbreak is all to real to us who are here!
Your no longer able to see yourself and your life in the same way you did before. But as we live, grow and learn can we do that anyway.
Why not shut the world out... How? We eat, breath, drink and live in the world. The world has endless possibilities only limited by our own minds.
Why not stop taking chances... We take chances, chances are we will be hurt. Take no chances and chances are we will be alone. Take no chances and will we be living? How would we ever find happiness, without chances? How would we be able to feel happiness if we didn't know sadness?
Is feeling heartbreak and loneliness stupid? Foolish? No!!! Blindness to pain is foolish and stupid. Without pain we don't learn to be cautious. We would be doomed to endlessly go through the same pain again. Even doomed to be used or abused.
There is no permanance! Everything and everyone eventually goes away. Always consider that the one you love will eventually be gone. The one that hurt you can be made to go away too.
Maybe a better way of looking at loneliness and heartbreak would be, your now free! Free to see what everyone and everything in your life really is. Free to trash what is useless and doesn't fit your idea of a happy life. Free to hold more closely what is good. Free to decide for yourself! Free to find the truth.
You have the ability to look right into the face of your pain and learn the wisdom it teaches.
Learn from the pain of a broken heart. Taste it, feel it, grab on to it and learn from it. Be the intelligent soldier and wear proudly the badge of the broken heart! A good soldier learns from their pain. Feels compassion because they learn to understand what's behind pain. Learns the truths behind the pain, the causes, and becomes intelligent, gains wisdom.
Every time we are hurt we have the opportunity to learn the truth. When we learn the truth we strengthen the foundation of who we are. The solid foundation of who we are is where we can build the house of our inner refuge. The place our library of inner strength is stored. Inner strength that comes from learned truth, that becomes wisdom.
A broken heart is a badge of courage.
It shows you have enough courage to risk yourself.
That badge isn't displayed on sleeves or chests. It's a badge displayed in our eyes as we go on day to day and live life to it's fullest possibilities. It's that look of surety and compassion we see in the eyes of many older, wiser people, who have learned throughout many years of life.
There are no easy ways or shortcuts. The only way is to use your mind to examine yourself. Then each step of the way decide for yourself what is truth for you.
This heartbreak could be the time for you.
While your feeling like being alone, think.
Open your mind to what is inside and see the problems and discover your solutions...
Journey within my thoughts for a bit. They're not all my own, more a compilation of my and others that were gleaned during my own loneliness and heartbreak.
As a child we are happy. We're amazed at watching a seed grow into a plant, then that plant giving us something good to eat. We find pleasure in simple food. We find happiness in watching birds sing and fly. Rabbits hopping and scurrying about in search of a meal. We enjoy the beauty of flowers and majesty of nature. We enjoy the words of others, told us in stories and tales. We look at the sky and watch the clouds. Seeing all sorts of shapes that amuse us. Feel comfort in the heat of the bright sun shining down. Hear music in raindrops as they fall. Find happiness from love we receive with no expectations of return. Simple things we find on our own. Simple needs. Things as adults we forget...
Our bodies grow, new desires awaken. New pleasures are found. We begin to feel need...
We do come to crave love and attention. Emotional and physical gratification. We trust in others to fulfill those cravings we come to call our needs. We give others our hearts. We believe our happiness is dependant on others. Then those others leave us, others pass away, and even many others will slay us with unkind words or deeds. We're left alone feeling empty and hurting.
One man, a relative, yet more a friend, looked me in the eye once. His words I'll remember and pass on. “Did you ever consider how you lived before you first had it?” Those words caught me for a few minutes. They did sink in. It was much later I found the wisdom in that one simple question. When I finally left my mind open up and think about it, I did remember... And now when I hurt again, I remember again.
My life, my heart, before I left someone in.
By asking yourself questions you begin to learn yourself. Begin to learn and then understand your own desires. Then as you learn and understand those desires and cravings, ways can be found to control or deal with them. With the undestanding, suffering begins to lessen.
When learning yourself you learn what is important to you. Learn also who is important to you. You learn to love yourself and want what is best for you. Then when you take that and the understanding that nothing, absolutely nothing lasts forever, hurt won't hurt quite so bad. Lonely won't last so long and you'll be better prepared for hurt, that will, come again.
Feelings are really just feelings, nothing more, nothing less. Feelings can't be understood and explained, they just are. Feelings are no ones fault, they do not require excuses or blame.
As you learn you, you will learn you don't need someone to love you. That you really want someone to give your love to. Someone who will share in a new love as it grows.
When we do hurt from breakups, or death of a loved one. Even when people hurt us with words.
Life still goes on, another day dawns, it's not the end of the world. We will only be lonely as long as is needed to realize, we don't want to be lonely no more. Then as we begin to reach out and share our lives by giving our love, we begin to receive and feel love in return.
Life is really just a journey. The journey you are on is your journey and no one else's. Journeys are filled with many paths which you choose.
When you come to a broken bridge you can choose another path or dare to wade the river. On any journey there will come storms. Your decision to seek refuge or continue on through the storm will only be decided by you.
We learn things on our journey that make the rest of our journey a bit more enjoyable. If we choose not to learn, our journey will only become harder as we grow tired and bored. There will be mountains to climb and hills to fall down. Getting up and brushing aside the filth from the fall is the only way to continue. Learning from that fall will help us to better navigate the next hill with wisdom and get hurt a little less.
Many people will be met, many adventures will be had, some of both good and bad.
So remember that child as you travel along and stop to smell that rose.
Take in it's wonderful beauty, stand in awe of it's fanciful bloom.
Be wary as you enjoy it though, for it also, has hidden thorns.