Tuesday, April 19, 2011

With Or To

Before getting to what I have to say, there is a new link on the right side of the page, under the Blogs I Like. It's Diary Of A Naughty Mom. Another really interesting and inspiring writer. I enjoy what she has to say and how she says it. So please check out her blog and see what you think. You will get a warning before you get to the page, but I really don't see why. Again, let me know if you would, what you think of that wonderful blog!!! Thank you!

Now on to today's thoughts.

Do you talk to your kids? Why? Do you like being talked to?
But you do like being talked with, don't you?

When someone talks “to” me I have this tendency to get defensive. I feel like they are ordering me to agree with what they're saying. Or even when being asked to do something, when I'm being talked “to” I begin to get a feeling that I should tell them to do it theirself.

My son and I were at a restaurant a few weeks ago. There was a father that was telling his little daughter to leave mommy alone while she ate. The child would listen momentarily, then go right back to pestering mom. Dad would again tell the girl to leave mom alone. It just went on and on.

I didn't say a word. But the memories of my own children rang in my mind. I tried the telling and it rarely would work. I adopted instead of telling, asking and giving a brief explanation why. Unbelievably they would understand and listen. Sometimes only longer than telling, but it helped. I would, if needed, reenforce what I'd explained before and eventually that worked very well.
There would still be times I would just have to tell. But they were few and were taken better by the kids.

I kinda think it's no different than adults. If someone tells us, we don't like it. But if they ask in a normal tone of conversation, we're usually very happy to do. When a boss does nothing but order, they're employees become disgruntled. Bosses I worked for who treated us with respect and talked with us were a pleasure to work harder for. Why would children be any different?

Just maybe if we talk with our children they too will be more willing to cooperate. They do have short attention spans and probably will need to have things explained again, but wouldn't that be a better way than just barking orders like a drill sergeant? With teens it may even lessen that rolling of eyes.
Ok, that is a stretch... Yet it's a possibility.

When feeling that you belong you tend to want to do things. When feeling like a slave being ordered ya don't. Why not give it a try. Hey, what have you got to lose? Why not let them know they belong and you care instead of ordering them like the family dog. That dog probably doesn't have the mental capacity to understand explanations, but children are human. They do.

Children are not dumb creatures, they are creatures with hearts that can hurt. So try talking with, instead of to. Give them the gift of belonging. Even if, they still do that eye roll... Heck, I sometimes do that to them.
I'm tired of seeing kids with frowns, I'd rather see kids with smiles!

So go find a kid and show them you care. Talk with them and share a smile!

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