Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Me ?

I've been blogging here for three months. I have gotten a few comments but wouldn't mind seeing more... Have a few followers and would definitely love to see more of them! I do have one viewer who would like to become a follower but because of some technical problems they can't. That has to do with older technology they are using. But that's about the blog.

So I'm putting off the tough part of what I felt like doing today. Me.
But deciding what is safe to put out to the world and what's not... That is tough! Think about it. There are some many strange people out here in internet land. So one needs to be a little careful what they put out...

So carefully, on to, who is this guy anyway.
I had someone quite a while back, say they wish they could be as outgoing and self confidant as I was. I just looked... Was stunned! Even left speachless for a while. I wish I really was but... It ain't so.

I have self esteem issues like everyone else. I constantly feel insecure. Heck, this blog is questioned before I begin typing, while I'm typing and quite a few times more before I can hit the post blog button.
I'm not a know it all either. I was a pretty good carpenter and grew into a pretty good all around contractor. I felt insecure and doubted myself daily while doing that! It was only my great contempt for half assed contractors that kept me from going back to working for others.

I'm just a simple guy with a simple mind. I like to farm but I question myself daily about what I'm doing at that. Truthfully, I'm amazed when something turns out right or grows the way it should. I have a deep love for animals. They accept me even though I make mistakes and they never criticize. They just look at me with those big eyes and give me kisses once in a while.

Other than a few bad physical health issues my “BIG” problem is, I can not keep my big mouth shut! I guess that's what some mistake for outgoing and self confidence... Well, let me tell ya, that big mouth that doesn't know when to stay shut gets me into some trouble at times. I can embarrass others and myself without even trying. It just comes natural... I can also anger others quite readily. There are some that don't talk to me for months, years or ever again. But most of the never agains I don't like anyway...

Things I do know, I know from some education but most is from living and experience. Yup, that wonderful school of hard knocks.
I was once quiet and afraid to speak my mind. But I finally got to a point where I just didn't care what others would think of me. If I had something to say I began saying it. Especially if I felt someone needed to hear, or needed to be shut up.

I've always liked to smile, laugh and enjoy. I deal with insecurity, doubt and problems with humor. When I find the humor in a problem I can deal with the problem better. If I don't, I begin to worry, dwell, and stress, then I get lost.

I've learned that my key to happiness is to not give a darned what others think or how they feel about me. So when someone has a stabbing remark. I just blow it off. Sometimes I do stew over it a while but eventually I find the humor and it's gone.

I came close to death back about eleven years ago. I ended up (in my eyes) a weakling. I have a really messed up back, a ruptured disk in my neck and weakness in my right arm and leg from that disk. I live in constant severe pain. The outcomes of surgery don't sound real good to me so I refuse that. I came to hate drugs during my life so I refuse the ones that I'm told will help.

I still do what I can, when I can, here on the farm. I sat around for a few years feeling sorry for myself, but then I began to find ways to improvise. I even figured that I could put a hook in a bale of hay, tie a rope to it and wrap it around my waist so I could drag it to the cows, since I can't carry it. Even I laugh at that, but it works. I also found little red wagons help...
I can get on a tractor, but often after bouncing through the field, need help getting off and into the house where it may take a full day or more for the pain to subside.

There are many things I simply can not do any longer. I have a son though who likes the farm and wants to be the next in the long line of the family to take it over. The really hard work falls to him. Sometimes I feel I'm just getting in his way and I mope about it a little. Then I usually find something else to keep my silly mind and self busy.

What else is there to do? Life goes on and I'm not about to just lay down and die. Though some days I wake up and feel it would be a blessing...
I do get lonely a good bit, but I'll leave that for next week. So if ya want to know more, come on back and learn a little more about this goofy me then!

Smile??? I still can. And I even find the humor in my life!
So you smile to! And have a great day!

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