Guess I'm typical to many guys in some ways. I do enjoy getting lost in hardware stores. To justify it though, I've always been very mechanically inclined. I also made my living doing building, remodeling and repair work. All phases and facets, I've done them or been involved.
Also living on a farm most of my life has brought the necessity to do it myself. Something seems to go bad every day and you just can't wait until someone else can get there to fix it. Paying someone else for all the little things would break the checkbook also...
While enjoying an expedition through a hardware store (especially the big ones) there is always the chance to spy something that will come in very handy someday. New tools, new gizmos, newly designed products and even new ways of doing the old. It's like a handyman's school.
Thanks to my wrecked spine that I managed to demolish over the years of hard work and stupidity, a pain filled hip and nearly useless right leg, I can't enjoy my treks down the isles of wonder and amazement as I once did. Now yah, one of those fancy motorized carts would help, but I'm a man and just can't imagine me using one. That would be admitting defeat...
For years though I've always had one thing catch my eye. It's not new, it's been around a while, like a siren hanging out on those shelves singing me it's magical enchanting love song. I ogle it with the wildest of desire. I imagine it caressing me with it's warmth and comfort. I lust over the thoughts of it and I spending time together. I just know it would make me sooooooooooo happy.
See, here in the wonderful Pennsylvania mountains it gets really cold during the winter. Heck, it's even cold in the early spring and late fall.
It's never ceased to amaze me even after all these years of living, that there is one place in any house that is always freezing.
You can have the fires raging and the thermometer can be about to blow it's mercury from it's skinny little head. You can have the thermostat turned up so high that the oil companies know you by name and send you cards with well wishes. I'll bet the gas companies would give you kisses. I've no doubt it's the same in the pits of the hottest parts of hell...
I am absolutely, positively, unequivocally convinced!
You could put a toilet seat in a raging fire that would melt diamonds and it would still feel like ice when you sit down!
Hmm, wonder if you could build a cost free refrigerator from toilet seats and never have to worry about the electricity... But I digress.
Yes, the thing that makes my heart go pitter pat every fall is the sight of those fuzzy toilet seats.
I see them, my mouth begins to drool, my buns almost feel their warmth cuddling and caressing with loving care. My heart cries out with desire unbounded. They reach into my soul and touch spots unknown.
But there are those other thoughts that I just can't get past.
You know they will, within a day, have over-spray dried on them and probably much, much more...