Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Hard One ??

Many times men and women seem to forget what the reasons were that made them fall in love with the person they are with. But when they think and remember it seems to put all lifes craziness aside, it seems to help get past petty arguments, even seems to help keep some couples from divorce after cheating.

But what about a love that's built on nothing more than shallow looks and lust... It was great for a while then later became a nightmare when the true inner thoughts and feelings of the other are found.

The heat and passion that once made someone irresistible have given way to the cold hard facts that the other is not the person you thought they were. Their hopes and dreams, their morals, their ways of dealing with life just don't fit what you think or feel. Not that the other person has changed, but that you never should have been together in the first place.

Then to make matters more difficult, you now have children. Do you break up and have the children go through the nightmare of separation... What about making them live through the emptiness of a relationship filled with arguing and fighting... Or even the community stigma of being the child of divorced parents...

There is always at least some backlash on the children, even in agreed upon divorces. There is the feeling of abandonment by the parent that they are not with. There are the school bullies who tease that your parent left because they couldn't stand you.

If divorce is the only option then feeling towards one another have got to be set aside for the children. The missing parent has to have time with the children so they know that they belong and are still wanted.
Even step parents can seldom fill the place of the real parent in a childs heart or mind. Those that do are very rare.

So many times the partner of someone with children feels jealousy and don't care about the children. Many times too the step parent becomes an abuser.

So what do you do?

I remember through life, seeing couples that seemed to only be together to raise families. Their homes always seemed cold and unfriendly. Their children, I was friends with, seemed to display that emptiness and coldness.

There seems to be no easy answer and I can't even come up with a good compromise.
Maybe it's one of those questions without an answer, but I don't really believe there is such a question.
Yet I find myself confused by this. Especially when I hear people talking about divorce or leaving their partner, and that happens a lot these days...

The only answer I can seem to come up with is to stop and take the time to really know who it is that you think your wanting to marry or crawl in bed with... I think it's good sound advice, but yet advice that is for some hard to follow or even to late.

So smile and share those smiles today, but if you can find some time and think of anything that might help to find an answer or even give a different direction to the thinking of it, please stop back and leave a comment.


  1. A tough one Ivan and one that I think goes back to your previous post. "One Important step". We need an education program established in schools from an early age, that teaches kids how to communicate with others, how to understand themselves and others better and communicate effectively, learning to compromise and deal with life's issues and stress's. How to make better choices and understand that all choices have consequences. This is the stuff that parents are meant to teach their kids, but who taught the parents?? It must be taught as part of the school curriculum. Obviously this will take time to make a difference. Over a couple of generations perhaps, but it will make a difference. There will always be other life issues, like mental illness, strains and stress's of life that even the best prepared person may not cope with at times, and i do not assume that my idea will eliminate all problems. But it would certainly make enough of a difference to be worth the effort of implementing such an education program. Then as adults, young couples will understand the need for effective communication and getting to know each other well before children come into the picture. In the meantime, all we can do is keep putting the message out there, which is what you are doing. Thumbs up Ivan!

  2. So many problems though have started with this me, me attitude people have today. Even in the 70's people seemed to quit teaching their children the basics of life.