Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Why Do We Lie To Kids

I caught a conversation between two teens. The one was saying about how bad it was to be a teen. The emotions of being in love and getting heartbroken. The turmoils of teen life that leave you lost. The fact (as seen by teens) that adults don't understand. All the crud that makes teens feel that it's just not worth going on... Then as parents and other adults we keep saying your teen years are the best years of your life!

The second teen said adults always lie to teens about it.

Ya know, that really got my mind twisting in so many ways. I pondered it for a bit...
Wait a minute, your parents wouldn't lie to you about it! Your teens years are the best! You have so much ahead of you! Wait until your an adult and just see what problems really are! ... Yah, like that would be encouraging...

I had so many of the same old things going through my mind that I'd heard over the years and even had told to me when I was a teen.

BS! Whats wrong with the truth?
Somewhere, sometime, someone started saying these crappy things that in absolutely no way can help... I even did it with my kids!

It came to my dumb old mind that the truth is, we never figured it out when we were teens, and even worse, we still haven't! So instead of helping we wind up making teens feeling stupid by saying those same dumb things that were said to us and we have heard.
Think about it, how did you feel when you were told those things? Lost? Even more alone? That not one living soul understood you?
That you could get no help and were doomed to a life of these frustrated feelings?

OK, I'm getting up there in years. But I do remember feeling some of these feelings. Then with only a little more thought, I've felt a lot of this same stuff in my adult life! There were always some stupid problems that seemed to have no answer that made any sense.

Heartbreak is there no matter how young or old you are. Why? Why can I love someone with everything I've got but they treat me like dirt. They don't feel the same about me. It still makes no sense. Then all the turmoils that life incessantly throws our way... Why, we try to live a life that has none... Why can they not be avoided?
Bigger question. When we try to talk to someone about them why do we still hear the same old crap?

Then I realized that stuff just doesn't bother me any more! As a matter of fact, I just laugh at that junk now. It's just lifes way of trying to keep me feeling bad so I have learned to take it as a joke. Why not? There is seldom anything I can do about it anyway. Heck, if it weren't for that idiotic crud life would get kinda boring. Yah yah, I could use some boredom too, but it just ain't gonna happen. So it's just an ugly part of life. Might as well learn how to take it as a joke and laugh! Common, how many times have you remembered back and gotten a smile over some of that? It all seemed life ending when we were there but looking back it's kinda funny.

Now I love the heck out of all kids. Yup even the bad ones. Even they have a chance if someone loves them enough to help them and give them a little good advice and direction!
I enjoy talkin to them and laughing with them. Showing them that even an old dinosaur can laugh and have fun. I even like their music. It's all so alive. Most of the time I can even get them to smile and see the funny in their problems. Some times I manage to even help them find a solution that they can live with.

So yah, I ended up breaking into their conversation a little later, reminded them of their former conversation that I had caught...
I pointed out that the adults and parents were not really so much lying.
They just never figured out the answers when they were teenagers. Then as adults they had some of the same and even had adult problems. They never figured out answers then either.
So all they could find to say was the same junky crud that was said to them so they could avoid it. They are human too.
Then that I've come to be old and shicrap, I still don't get it! But I just don't care anymore and just laugh about it because I can't do anything about it and there is always a tomorrow that has hope for something better and more enjoyable.

Problems have always been there, are here now and will always be. It's how we look at them and learn from them that matters. They do hurt but ya might as well learn to have fun with them. Heck, have a problem party to help forget them and see if anyone else can find a solution. Sure beats a pity party...
Some one breaks your heart, well they weren't good enough for ya anyway.

So whats wrong with just letting kids know the truth? We just don't know! Do ya think they won't figure out our goofy old sayings are useless? How bad will you look in their eyes then...
I got some strange looks from other adults when I told them I admitted to my kids that I did a lot of stupid things and didn't know a lot of answers. But I also told the kids that they could talk to me about anything and I'd at least try and help. They could learn from my mistakes.
I never put me on any pedestal... I was just like them but a little older and had been though some of the same junk they were gonna go through. Just maybe I could help or at least be a shoulder to cry on. Isn't that something we all need sometimes?

Some how my youngest daughter and son grew into pretty confident adults. They look for wise ways of dealing with life. They don't seem totally lost in any situation. And they're not afraid to ask for help from anyone. But they also know BS when they see or hear it!

So quit hiding that your not perfect. Tell them that your human and struggling too. That there are some things you just don't know...
But that you will be there as long as life allows as a best friend to talk to, and that you'll always love them for just being them. Even if they mess up.
Hmm, then they might be there for you too when you need it. And you know you will...

I've strained your eyes long enough so I'm outta here, have a great one : )

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