Thursday, December 1, 2011


Men come under severe scrutiny because of lack of intimacy. That complaint comes up quite a bit. I hear it from women, I overhear it in conversation from women and I hear from guys that their woman has said it to them.

One of the biggest problems I know of though is, just what is intimacy.
From my personal experience and from that related by other guys, what one woman finds intimate another finds boring. Sometimes gross. Sometimes even sick.

Guess years ago when partners would spend a lifetime together they got to know one another well enough to discover what was acceptably intimate. Yet even as a boy I remember overhearing conversations about the lack.

I've also noticed that couples who were very open with each other and communicated freely and openly don't seem to have the problem.
It could take years for the most willing guy to discover what his woman likes by trial and error. Yet when he gets shot down with a snide comment it's very likely he will give up and quit trying. That is kind of like an atomic bomb blast to the ego.

The same thing goes for romance. What one finds romantic may well not be romantic to another. There again the trial and error rears it's head and that head too can become ugly with a snide comment.

Some people are people readers, but there are many more who are not. Some people can read body language while many others can not.

With most people being different in what they find romantic and intimate, it would be impossible to teach. Suggestions from a book or from another person would still be trial and error.

Could it be that women need to communicate more about what they find intimate or romantic with their partner? Could it be that women should maybe find a more pleasant way of letting her guy know what doesn't work for her?

Could it be too that men need to try harder to learn their women? Could it be that men need to open their ears and hear when their women tell them? Instead of hiding in front of the TV watching ball games or other sports, wouldn't it be better to spend some time talking and listening?

Nothing gets cured or even helped just by complaining or ignoring it.
Maybe it's time to just start communicating and letting each other know what you want.

Maybe, just maybe the greatest gift you could give to each other and yourself for the soon coming Christmas, could be the gift of communication. The gift of learning what makes your partner happy.

And no! It's not a conversation I would like to have either, but it could bring new happiness to your partnership which in turn would give happiness to you.

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