Friday, October 19, 2012

I'll be there before the next teardrop falls

I wonder if my happiness and comfort in the way I choose live my life sometimes makes people hesitate in opening up and telling me what's hurting them...

Just because I don't show hurt doesn't mean I haven't had plenty of hurt.
It's that I have dealt with that which hurt and put it behind me. I've made the choice to take that which I learned from it and try to use that to help others.
I know that hurt exists and there is nothing we can do to stop hurt from appearing in our lives. So I spend my time trying to make people smile.

I guess that constant smiling attitude can make some think I wouldn't understand. Maybe even make some think I wouldn't care. Maybe make them think I wouldn't want to be saddened by what worries them.

Things sadden me. People sadden me. At times some thoughts sadden me. Even memories sadden me.
When they do I seek the quickest way I can to deal with the sadness in my mind and move on to that which makes me smile.

The hardest thing I know of to deal with that keeps me sad the longest is knowing others are sad and not knowing why.
Once they reveal what their sadness is about I can usually be supportive and even get them started on a path to finding their way back to a smile.

I know that when you hold hurt inside that it only tears you apart.
I have learned through living that healing only begins once you let it out.
I realize that one can not get through this living thing without getting a few physical and emotional scars.
I also know how tough it is to open up and tell someone about things that trouble and hurt you.

There have been times I have even told my problems to a piece of paper. Once I could see the problem it seemed to get easier to deal with.
Maybe it gave me a reference to keep me focused. Maybe it made it easier to plan a road map away from the problem. A few times it just seemed to vanish after it was left out.

I've told my problems to trees. Told my hurts to animals. Even sat beside a stream and told my troubles to the water as it babbled and churned, then left the waters carry them away.
With tear filled eyes I've discussed emotional pains with clouds while sitting on top of a hill.
Sometimes there is either no one I feel safe telling things to or there is no one around.

For many years I carried my problems and hurt locked up inside.
That tightly wrapped up package was like dynamite waiting for someone to light the fuse.
At times that fuse was lit by the stupidest things that would happen or things people would say that a normal person would just laugh off.
I spent a lot of time apologizing and a lot of time and money fixing things. Lost a lot of potential friends.

I'm convinced that was a form of insanity. If not it was a sure path to insanity!

At any rate it is better to find someone or something to talk to and set your problems and pain free.
Once they are out they can start to fly away.
As they gain their wings they fly farther and farther into your past.
They will never disappear completely from your life, but they will become more like the dinosaurs. Only their bones will appear from time to time to remind you they were once a domineering beast and warn you of what you don't want to live with again.

Then you too can start using what you've learned to help make others smile.
The best smiles come from you making others smile.
Kinda like love, you can't really receive and feel love until you give it away.

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