Monday, October 15, 2012

How do you help them heal

A very young friend came to me over this past weekend with something they had to let out. It is a really bad pain from about twelve years ago.
One that cuts them so deep they have had a hard time making good decisions in their life. But then how can you if you carry so much pain that it clogs the mind...

I won't go into what the pain is, what happened to them.
That would only be for them to tell should they ever choose to.

I do believe the pain will now begin to heal.
Once bad things are released from the mind by telling someone else the healing process can begin. It's a little like getting clean fresh air to the infection of a wound.
It's finding someone you can trust enough to not blab about your ghosts and then getting up the courage to tell them, that is hard.

I was shocked, stunned and dismayed by what I was told. I felt anger rage through me like hot lava. If the person who caused it were still alive I might have ended up in jail. If the one who stood by and allowed this to happen were still alive I probably would have ended up in jail.

Without them around to punish for what they did to my friend, my friend has for years, turned the pain inward. Has done foolish things. Has made bad decisions. All with the pain they feel and intense anger clouding their judgment.

I hid my anger as best as possible and could only listen as I was too stunned to do much else. I thought I knew the person who left it happen better. In my wildest imagination I could never have thought they could.

My only words to my friend were,
One breath at a time,
One step at a time,
One day at a time,
One good decision at a time,
That is the path to healing.
There is no way to ever erase that memory from your mind. But the further your life gets away from it with good memories, the more the healing will allow you to love life again.

I do know this from my own life experiences, though there has never been one experience quite this bad.
But it still took me years to open up to fellow veterans about some of the junk I will always carry in my head.

There are some things in this life we can not control. Some predicaments we can be forced into in some way that will leave us scarred.
IT is NOT our fault.
But it is our responsibility to heal and then use what we learn to help others.

It might be hard finding someone you can open up to that won't have a big mouth and will not be judgmental of you, but you need to so you can begin to heal.

Know someone who is always angry? Know someone who seems to always be making wrong decisions?
You may then know someone who needs you to hear them.
You can tell them of your path to healing, but their path will be their own. Everyone has to find their own path through that freaky forest.

The rest of my week I will be doing very little besides trying to be as supportive as I can. Beating my mind to try and find words of wisdom that may help. Searching for words or any idea that I think might help. Hoping with every fiber of my existence that I can help my friend get a start on their path. But I can't in any way show them the way. It must be a path of their own. I can only be there and offer an ear if they stumble and encourage them upward and onward.

I did see in my friends eyes the day after I was told, a much brighter look than I've seen in their eyes for years. Kind of a more relaxed look. A friendlier look.

If I'm not here on Wednesday it will be because I'm trying to be there for this friend. Same for Friday. But I will be here if I can.

Keep on smiling and please try to be a good friend to someone in need.
That does help to make one more smile in the world.

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