Relationships and Marriage

Don't know exactly why or really even have a clue as to why, but something found it's way drifting through my mind.

It's a sad thing I guess and to me a bad thing. But it's a thing of today.

Comes to mind that not many years ago when a couple would get together and get married they looked at and saw that marriage as a lifetime commitment.

When two were dating they would see that as a commitment to the other.

I was minding my own business when along came an old song through my mind.

Just hop on the bus Gus, make a new plan Stan, don't need to be coy Roy, just set yourself free.

Yup, there must be Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover.

Today it seems that the only commitment so, so many make is to be together until something better comes along. Some silliness that makes them feel better at the moment. Then they are off on a dead run fleeing the commitment. Committing to someone else. Only to do it all over again.

And we wonder why they only live together...

Well there may be fifty ways or more to leave your lover, but only through death or a very pricy divorce can a marriage be left.

Good or bad that is a hard fact.

Even a very agreeable divorce can cost a pile of cash to pay the lawyers and court costs.

Should we...

Should we accept that?

Should we make divorce easier and cheaper?

Should we make living together expensive and hard to get out of?

I've been divorced. I'm very aware of the money it takes to end a no longer wanted, a bad or broken marriage.

Also I'm very aware of the cost of ending any relationship where love and commitment are involved. The unseen cost.

Think there is none?

How about the sad feeling called a broken heart. How about the hours spent agonizing over why. Why would they do this to me. How could they do this to me. Why am I now wrong for them. What is wrong with me.

Even at many times the one who wants the break up and leaves, ends up wondering why they did what they did. And then another relationship breaks.

You also have the cost of the anger. That internal cost to the mind. Sometimes too the cost of things, that get broken in a moment of unleashed anger.

Again, should we...

Should we accept that?

Should we make divorce easier and cheaper?

Should we make living together expensive and hard to get out of?

Or...

Should we begin once again

to really get to know the character and flaws of the one who catches our eye.

Take the time, date and learn what there is to know that will affect the relationship in the future if there is going to be one.

Find out if a lifetime friendship is really there and can endure.

Is there some good from those old ways? The long dating periods. Then long engagements of a year or even more?

Could it possibly be that just maybe that gave the time to really know before taking a leap to possible heartbreak.

There are no guarantees. No where is it written that there is a forever when it comes to love that I know of. Even if there is I'll ask, what about death. Does one just go on through their journey of life alone should their loved one pass away? Careful now, I've seen that fantasy destroyed way too many times.

Life alone is often barren. Most can not live that life and be happy. Most can not keep that promise made to their self or their past loved one.

Maybe all, but seems at least most are not meant to be alone. Maybe...

Maybe I and others like me are. But I've found we are very very very, far and few between.

We the very few are never really alone. We are connected with many people we find who have a broken spirit. Connected and trying our best with all our waking moments to make them smile. Show them there is still hope. Something worth living for.

We are never really truly alone. I suspect our breakups and divorces are the result of what and who we are and the way we make our loved ones feel when we are on our crusades. It would take someone very special to understand and accept us. Quite possibly only someone who is like us.

But again I say we are very very very far and few between.

I've learned to accept what I may have for a future. Come to terms with it and made my peace with it. That's not to say there isn't a remote possibility it could change though.

Yet even for myself, should we begin once again, to really get to know the character and flaws of the one who catches our eye.

Take the time, date and learn what there is to know that will affect the relationship in the future if there is going to be one.

Find out if a lifetime friendship is really there and can endure.

Is there some good from those old ways? The long dating periods. The long engagements of a year or even more?

Could it possibly be that just maybe that gave the time to really know before taking a leap to possible heartbreak.

Hah, can two people who are considering living together in a relationship read this and still go on with the plans knowing that a real commitment may very well not even exist. That forever may be just a fairytale.

Makes one silly fool on the hill wonder.

Makes me smile too as I wonder how many I may make wonder along with me.

So as I go on about my day seeking for smiles and sharing those smiles, I certainly hope you will too!