Monday, March 11, 2013

Odd mind ahead/Aliens Please Read

If ya came here in search of perfection, move along.
If ya came here looking for sense, go away.
If ya came here seeking wisdom, something worth learning, keep out.
If you are an alien and looking for a world of intelligent life to conquer, read on.

Teens seem to pack in all the kisses they can because they can see no tomorrow.
As I age I want to pack in all the kisses I can because my tomorrows are growing fewer and fewer.

Kiss me baby! It may well be your last chance.
Wonder how that would work as a pick up line!

I know I'm getting old.
My thought of a bed is only a place to sleep.

Someone said close your eyes and think about it.
I woke up three hours later and missed my dinner.

I can't sleep at night.
But can fall asleep anytime during the day.

Best way to fall asleep?
Try listening to someone else talking.

Preachers, Pastors, Priests and politicians should hire out to parents at childrens bed times.

I think I'm becoming insane.
My twenty three year old son is beginning to make sense!

Funny how when you get older you find your intelligence level and that of your grandkids is about the same.

And their parents look at you with those eyes full of desperation and expect you to help.
Sorry kid, you had your chance.
Right before you drove every last one of my brain cells into oblivion.

I thought that retirement was when someone gave you money.
Not when you became the loan office for your children.

Loan office?
More like the financial aid.

Kids can empty a refrigerator faster than you can fill it.

Want to have some snacks for yourself?
Hide them in a health food box.

Want your food to last longer?
Buy food that actually takes some effort to prepare.

I thought that was a comma on my screen. After deleting and fixing it for the hundredth time I saw it was a speck of dust below that danged period.

Snowmen are visual proof that one can freeze off the b... squishy orbs.

No dear grandson, I am not a groundhog.
But I did a heck of a lot better than he did with his prediction of spring this year.

Just what is it that makes a guy with a lifetime of experience pop a cookie fresh from the oven into his mouth.
Does he want to kill of the taste buds to even the count with the brain cells?

Dogs theory of the big bang?
Yippie! Daddy dropped another scrumptious treat on the floor.
Hurry before he gets to the broom and dust pan.

Why is it that a pot will not whistle, clang or bang to warn you, but will set smugly on the stove staring at you when you've finished washing the dirty dishes and turn around full of pride and joy of a job well done.

There I did my part to save the world from alien invasion.

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