I have absolutely no idea why this is going through my mind at the moment.
There are other things I should be doing. Many other things, I could be doing.
Maybe there is something I need to figure out, though I don't seem to be getting that.
Maybe there is someone who needs to hear it to help give sense to their life.
I'm not even sure I'm a man anymore. Nor does it even matter to me.
Only thing I'm sure of is that I'm a soul stuck inside a body that is stumbling through this life having fun where I can find it and smiling along the way.
I stumbled upon the happiness I now feel, the contentment that fills my mind.
After my wife left me with two very young children I tried dating. I was working, taking care of the farm and raising two children the best as I could.
When I would be dating someone they would get angry because I was working so much. Angry because children took up so much of my time. Would display jealousy of my time spent with children.
The humor there? Women say they want a responsible man, yet when they had it they decided they didn't want it...
I made the decision to concentrate on my work and children. I wasn't getting any younger and had plans to retire from work as young as possible. Made the decision that raising my children was the most important thing I would be doing in my life. Made the decision to put dating aside.
Loneliness wasn't a problem. I was to busy working and being a parent to have time to feel lonely except at the end of the day before I fell asleep.
But the physical urges were another problem.
It wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination! But I managed to overcome them.
I used my mind to control my body.
I did not explode.
Nor did I die.
What I have come to realize is that I've reached a point of apathetic euphoria.
Now it gives me humor to see that even though I hear women complain about men never wanting or thinking about anything but sex, since I'm in a place where I could not care less about it, there seems to be no woman who wants me.
Even one woman who approached me thought she did, seemed to change her mind because of my apathy.
Yet I had very little struggle coming home alone and returning to my contented life of playing and smiling.
I care about the events and what happens in the world around me, yet I'm realistic enough to see that I can only work to control what is near. I can however reach out with my words in an attempt to make the world a better place with the things I have learned along the way.
That is though, if anyone cares to make the choice to hear.
Think about the time of your childhood. Did you miss sex or need someone of the opposite sex then? Just how long did you live without it before you ever had it?
That time was spent playing laughing and learning.
How about the times when you have no one and you are happy just doing what you like!
It's really no different than a diet.
Once you overcome the physical urges you can have a healthier, happier life.
Ehh only a little. The more you find things you enjoy doing the less you begin to feel loneliness.
Your too busy enjoying and smiling.