Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Can Loneliness End

Nothing is permanent, not even life itself. It's ours to love and enjoy while the chance to is with us.

We spend our hard earned money on things like cars. We all know they are only temporary.
We spend many more thousands for a home. A home too is only a temporary structure. Given enough time it will eventually fall apart and come crashing to the ground. A fire could destroy that home and all that is in it in just a matter of hours.

We plant seeds to grow beautiful flowers. Come the end of the growing season and the flowers and plants leave us.
Through nature a seed from a tree in a forest drops to the ground. It somehow finds the strength to grow and flourish. That tree may well outlive us, but it too will eventually come crashing to the ground.

We are not permanent.
Others that may come into our lives are not permanent.
The pain we feel inside when some of those people leave is not permanent either.
It takes time and filling your mind with many other things and people. Filling the mind with new joyful things to get past the feelings we are left with when something or someone leaves our lives. Some longer than others. That depends on just how much you felt for what you've lost and how deeply they or it was planted in your mind. How much dependence grew.
Heartache also is temporary. It really does eventually become a faded memory.

Sometimes the heartache can leave a scar. Sometimes there are things or people who add to that heartache and make the scars worse. It is possible to be so scarred that you turn to an icy hermit. A lonely feeling being, unable to place your trust in any other individual. You can become so cold that when you are approached by someone, that one day could have turned your head for a second look, your mind grows ice cubes that could give the ice age reason to be jealous.

You can spend the first five years of that with hurt and daily mental misery. Pain from physical desires that are left unfulfilled. One day it just goes away and isn't there anymore. You don't know when exactly it happens, it just does. Fades away to no more than a distant memory.
You can spend the next seven years throwing up roadblocks every time someone nice approaches you and you feel they want more than to just be friends. You can take your new found freedom and decide to protect yourself by keeping people at distance by putting up defenses. Building walls of cold stone. Sealing up any crack in your defense as soon as you find it. Covering the roof of your defenses with steel.

Then all of the sudden! Completely unexpected! You hear a voice. See a typed word.

It reaches into you and grabs at you. Awakening emotions you were sure had died and you had happily buried in a sealed vault.

You mentally try to push those feelings aside, rebury them, knowing they can open you and leave you susceptible to hurt you never again want in your life.
You run every possible way through your mind to extinguish those feelings.

Yet that voice keeps tugging. From deep inside the dormant seeds begin to grow. You throw up mental weeds to try and choke those feelings and make them go away. They continue to grow and get stronger.

You try not to listen to that voice, if I don't hear it it will go away. But in your mind you hear it. It talks to you when your sleeping. It calls out when you don't pay attention and are busy doing other things. It continues to grow despite your efforts against it.

How could it be... Should it be...
No answers to your questions.
Do I take a step towards that voice? Dare I look that voice in the eyes?
What if I hold that voice in my arms, I may never be able to let go!

You talk to that voice, being ever so watchful for any sign that it will hurt you. That voice sounds more and more perfect. You begin to see that voice is so much like your own. In it's likes. In it's dislikes.

That seed continues to grow. It now shows by a silly smile on your face that you can not stop.

Where will that voice lead you...
Perhaps that voice is only like a butterfly. It will light on your hand for only a moment and be gone.
Yet that ever growing tug makes you ask.
Will that voice become a permanent part of you and your life...

One thought. One step. One day. One week. One month. One long road trip into the unknown.
We shall see...

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