Whats Next

It never ceases to amaze me how when I hang clothes out on the line, I can make it rain... But oh well, an extra rinse doesn't hurt a thing when the water is free.

But whats really on my mind?

Nothing lasts, everything passes. In all things the words ring, this too shall pass.

Things happen during a lifetime. Some bring pain, some end in pain. Some cause the mind to build defenses like walls.

Walls have flaws, walls erode over time.

One day a ray of hope penetrates the walls.

Memories of happier moments that have fluttered by like hummingbirds through a lifetime come to mind.

The mind begins to wonder.

The emptiness and solitude behind the walls feeds the wonder.

With lessons taught by past pains we know that to protect ourselves we should patch those walls. Reinforce them. Give them a fresh coat of paint.

But do we?

Should we?

Doubts arise. Hope springs. The heart begins to blossom. Joyful thoughts begin to arise. The mind begins to play with ideas of bright and happy days. Days of no more loneliness. Days of no more solitude. Days of having someone to share with.

Those ideas grow to ideas of a lifetime of joy and happiness.

Just how much can one being take before they shut down forever? Before the death of hope is final. Before they've learned to try no more. Before they have turned into a cold and icy, uncaring piece of rock as hard as granite.

It's not hard to make the decision to build those walls. Not hard to say you can accept the solitude of being alone. Not even hard to find what you enjoy doing alone and do it.

But that damned hope. How does one keep out a sneaky thing like hope.

But when one allows those walls to crumble they surely know there could be more pain of heartache! More weeks, months and even years of self loathing and self pity.

Yet the walls come tumbling down.

New, yet old, doubts come easily into the mind at the slightest words or actions. The seasoned brain plays games within itself. Tears that may not have just cause pour out. The stomach knots, old fears arise. Worries fed by bad memories of the past send shutters through the bones.

You know that should more heartache come from your foolish abandonment of your walls that you will have no one, no one but yourself to blame!

You look back at the pile of dust that once was your defenses, your walls. You ask, which hurts more?

Heartache from becoming someone in someones past?

Or the everyday heartache you knew in your solitary hideout behind those walls filled with loneliness?

Maybe there are two things that are eternal. Hope and fear.

But just maybe, possibly, someone will have the eraser that will erase the fears.

See! There is that hope again. Seems there is no eraser for that.

But could it be that once hope is trampled enough even it's roots will die and wither away?

Could some fool be close to finding out the answer to that question?

To late now. The book has been opened, chapters have been read. There is no way to skip to the ending to see.

Confounded confusion!

What's next?

We shall see.

Need Another Escape Already

My trip home last Monday went well. Was uneventful except for a deserved speeding ticket. I was angry with myself, not the cop that pulled me over.

There was no one else on the road but me, so I had picked up a paper that I had my directions on and was reading that while keeping and eye on the road. I wasn't looking at the speedometer. I had crept up over 70 and then probably even a little faster.

I should have pulled off the road to look at that list and not kept driving. Anything could have run across the highway or even another driver could have come zooming along. So Like I said, I deserved that ticket. It was a warning to me to pay attention to the driving and not the directions unless I was pulled over to look at them.

I got to see some pretty country. The land was flatter than I'm used to, but it was mostly rolling hills. The people of the area were friendly and very polite.

I did like the prices of things there. They were cheaper than here at home on many things. Got to dip a line in the Ohio river between Indiana and Kentucky. Caught a fish with every cast.

I never even changed my gear from what I use on much smaller streams. I stretched my line and gear to their limits. My plan was to test the waters, see what fish and what size fish were there and then make plans for the next time I'd be there. I had fun.

My wonderful friend and I spent many hours talking, laughing and smiling. We hiked fields, walked woods and wondered along the river. We even saw a kindred spirit of mine wondering freely. An ass that probably made it's escape and was roaming around. I call him my kindred spirit because I'm as stubborn as they are.

I even snapped a photo when my friend got out of the vehicle and was standing and looking at him. Yes, I have photographic proof that not only men stand around staring and check out asses!

I won't put the photo on here though because of privacy and not wanting to give the ill minded something to do...

My friend and I became much closer and our feelings towards each other grew. Quite possibly more on that to come...

But since returning home I've been busier than a cat with two tails. My first surprise was to find out it didn't rain enough while I was gone to even settle the dust. So a thorough watering of the garden was well overdue. Yet my lawn had grown fast enough to need mowing. Looked like it could have been mown twice a week. Then there were many other things that needed done and caught back up. There was also my case of the tireds after all the excitement and driving. My tail has really been dragging...

Other than just looking at my truck we haven't started taking it apart. Did find though that a brake line had burst sometime through the events that left me along side the road broke down. So I'm feeling even luckier that I broke down. If not I soon would have been in some heavy stop and go traffic. Should that brake line have burst then there could have been some serious injury! So again instead of being upset over a break down I'm feeling very blessed that the universe is looking out for me and watching over me.

I've still got lots of work to do and much to get caught back up on, but I hope to get back to more regular blogging now.

But I really wish I could just lay in bed a few days and sleep...

I Ended Up In A Journey

Started my trip out early Wednesday morning. The traffic dropping down off of the mountain was nonexistent. There was then the drive through the metropolitan leg of my trip out of Pennsylvania. That wasn't bad. I left after the early rush of seven to three shift workers and before the nine to fivers began their trip to work.

Made it out of Pennsylvania, made it across the West Virginia pan handle. Was into Ohio and cruising along fine, I was relaxed and really into my escape from home. Searched the radio and found an acceptable station that fit my mood.

About half an hour into Ohio and I heard the most awful sound. A screeching, grind from the transmission. The truck started slowing. I stepped on the clutch and looked for another gear. Nothing... I coasted off the side of the road and far enough to be on the grass. I knew I was in for a wait. I'm impatient. I will crawl half way under the truck to find out what is wrong and want to be far enough from the roadway to be safe in doing so.

I didn't quite make it half way under. I knelt down, peaked my head under and saw the smoke coming from the transmission. Saw oil dripping from the tail shaft. Yup. The poor old transmission was a goner. Not a thing I could do here along a highway. Not a thing anyone could. It needs to be home where the tools are and must undergo replacement surgery.

I called the son who was all to ready to make the three and a half hour trip to come to my rescue. I told him no, if I needed him later I'd call.

Now I'm sitting there waiting for a cop to come by so I could wave him down and get him to call someone local. Yah. Just where are they when ya need em...

A roll back came down the ramp beside me. He backed down to my truck. I asked him if someone called and said I was sitting there or if he just happened down the ramp and saw me. He got a strange look on his face. No, he was there to pick up a Ranger and asked if my name was... No. Then I looked down the road a bit behind me. There was another truck sitting under an underpass. I though he was just sitting there in the shade taking a break.

No such luck. Found out later his oil pump went out.

So the roll back driver backed on down to that truck and loaded him up. We had talked before and he said he'd come back to get me next. But even though I was quite content just knowing that, he even offered to pick me up after getting loaded and drop me somewhere to get coffee or a bite to eat or even just ride along. So he dropped me two exits earlier than I was at and went on to drop the other guy, his little daughter and the truck.

I got coffee at a Mc Donalds and started making plans and looking for prices on the internet.

I was picked up by my wonderful roll back guy an hour later and we were off to pick up my pickup.

Loaded up my old (needed to be retired and replaced three years ago) truck. He asked where I wanted it taken. Uhh, I'm not about to ask you to take it home, I just need a storage lot until I can get it. I already called my roll back guy back home and his price wasn't near as bad as I expected. So the guy said he had a lot, but it would cost. Well, no duhh. I didn't expect it for free. Take it there and I'll even call home again and find out when my guy can get it and I'll pay you in advance plus an extra day just in case.

I already had my mind made up that there was no way I was going home. I'd take a bus and still get to my destination. My escape. My rehab from home.

Well, while he was making out the bill I looked at the U Haul trucks sitting in his lot. I mentioned I should just rent one to complete my trip. But danged the luck, the last smaller one there was promised for later that day.

A few lines of pleasant conversation later, I mentioned renting one and a trailer to take my old beast back home. Wanted a price to make a decision. While he was getting my roll back bill and the rental price together I asked him about a car rental place. He thought for a second and then gave me a name and a phone book.

I looked up the number and dialed. Thinking it would cost a small fortune for a rental to get back on my way. I asked the guy on the other end of the phone and sat back to be ready for the sticker shock. He came back on the phone and I was shocked... Might have even had my jaws hanging open looking like a fish outta water. But my shock was in that he quoted me less that half of what I expected! I hurried up and said don't let anyone even get close enough to look at that SUV until I get there. Bud, you've got a deal and a smiling customer.

My roll back bill was less than half of what I expected! When the price for a rental truck and trailer was figured out it was almost a hundred dollars cheaper that paying someone to haul old baby back home. So I made the deal on that.

OK. So not even half way into my trip and I've got a brand new Dodge Journey to drive in comfort. Have plans that when I take that back to pick up my old baby and take it back home and I've met some wonderful people and shared many smiles!

Danged if I'm not the luckiest guy! Now it's Friday. I've met the person I intended to meet and wow are they a great cook. Their attitude is exactly what I expected from the conversations we've had. They are even the same person as they were over the internet. I suspected right. No fakes here!!!

I sure hope your week and weekend are going as fantastically wonderful as mine and that your smiling like the cat that got the canary just as I am.

Life may try to toss us some curves, but if we stay smiling and at least try to remain happy. The bad crud just doesn't stand a chance of keeping us down.

Have a great weekend! I know I certainly will.

I'm Outta Here

Wouldn't it be nice if clothes were cheap enough that you didn't have to pack for a trip. Instead you could just buy what you need when you get there and toss them when your though.

I am not a fan of packing...

Lost that tooth I was droning on about yesterday.

The biggest problem I have with living with back pain is that all smaller pains go unnoticed.

When I looked at that tooth even my untrained eye could see that it had to have been bad for quite a while. An old filling had fallen out and the tooth was rotted clear down deep into the root.

That had to hurt, but I never noticed it... Not until the pain was severe enough to overpower that back pain.

My dentist didn't have to say a word. And like the kind intelligent soul he is, he didn't. He should have scolded me like a misbehaving school boy! Yet he didn't.

I know I should take regular dental checkups more seriously. If I would have then he would have found that and could have saved that tooth. But noooooo.

I'm to busy to spend time waiting and then sitting in his chair.

Owha tafoo liam...

Didn't get that? Say it faster and put it together.

Spent yesterday rounding up clothes and things I wanted to take on my trip. Checking and rechecking.

Cleaning all the small tractor and other machine parts from my truck. Finding tools I couldn't find when I needed them. Finding remnants of lunches when in a hurry... Discovering screws, nuts and bolts I needed but couldn't find at the time.

Looking back to my working days as a contractor, I realize that the old trucks of working men should never be sent to the junk yard and crushed to be melted down for recycling.

They should be buried. They would someday make great archeological digs.

Bits and pieces of mechanical parts for various equipment. Nails, screws and various hardware for construction and repair. Orts of food that kept people working and nourished them. Empty bottles and some with fluids still in them that quenched their thirst. Coats, sweaters and sweat shirts that kept them warm on cold days. Rainwear that kept them dry. Material lists, notes for work, notes for remembering to buy gifts for loved ones. Plus many other things that could keep the minds of future archeologist's busy and show what people once used.

Ibuprofen, acetaminophen and aspirin bottles that kept them working when they were to sore to work.

And even that lost and forgotten Twinkie that will still be edible millions of years from now...

Some may call it junk, some may call it garbage. But there is a lot of history in a working mans truck.

Hehehee, so now when someone tells me I should clean my truck out I have a great excuse and comeback! I am preserving history for the future generations.

Do ya think they will buy that???

Well, by the time most of you read this I will be on my way. Rolling over mountains, through valleys, across creeks, rivers and streams and on down the highways and byways. Off for my long awaited and badly needed escape from the everyday doings and sights. Off to play and discover whatever awaits.

I may or may not add to the blog while away. Depends on if I have time, feel I have something worth saying, or take pictures I think you will enjoy as much as I do.

So as I travel down the long long road talking to myself... Have a great day and keep that smile shining!!!

Life

Yup. Darned the luck...

Two days before I intend to leave, get outta here, run away, escape the every day and spend some time away, meeting someone new and exciting, doing a little fishing in a place I've never fished before, and seeing some sights that I've never seen before and what kind of curve ball does life toss my way???

Pain!

Had a discomfort on Saturday. That discomfort was there on Sunday. Well I've been alive long enough that I've had many discomforts that have always left after a bit of waiting. But yesterday... No. It wouldn't leave, it just had to get worse.

A toothache. And I'll add a toothache that could not wait. One that by noon had begun affecting my eye. One that began to throb. One that even had me, the one who bears pain and normally laughs at it, in agony and had me whining to the dogs.

So for lunch I make a call to my dentist. Food isn't even an option. It hurts to even move my jaw to talk. Now for me that is cruel and unusual punishment. I always have my jaw flapping about something. For others though it would probably be a welcome sound of silence...

Ugh, he's so busy.

“Can you come to his other office tomorrow?” Not really, I have a ton of pain and really don't think I can wait. I'm also in the midst of preparing for a trip and I'm leaving Wednesday morning early. Thank you anyway, I'll try to find someone who has a few minutes today to help. “Hmm, let me check the book out again.” “Oh can you be here by 2:45?” I most certainly can!

I'm telling you, if I coulda reached through the phone and kissed that receptionist I would have. Even through the pain she made me smile. Might have been a smile of relief, but a smile. And I take them wherever I can get them.

So there I was. A bit angry at the thoughts of probably loosing a tooth. Angry that I was in so much pain. All I wanted was to be getting ready to enjoy. Packing and rechecking what I intended to take along. Gritting my teeth because of that anger. OUCH! Note to dumb butt self. Do not grit teeth when you have a toothache.

It's raining outside so I can't even go out to do something to take my mind off the pain. Could maybe work at cleaning the house. But heck I use a stubbed toe from three years ago as an excuse to get outta that. This tooth is more than a good enough excuse to delay that torture once again.

Can't watch TV. There is never anything worth watching anyway and my eye won't focus because of the toothache.

So what's an old fool do? He fires up the computer and begins to tell the world. Hey, I may not be able to flap my jaws because of pain, but my fingers still work!!!

Anything to kill the waiting time until I have to leave for that dreaded trip to see the dentist. I mean, he's a nice guy and all. I even like him. But... He's a dentist. I wouldn't want anyone else poking around inside my mouth. But still... He's a dentist.

He may give me a scolding for not going to see him in over a year. That scolding may be justified. Maybe I should have. But hey... He's a dentist.

Way I see it is that I've spent so much time sitting in dentist's chairs during my life that they should be paying me by now or in the least be seeing me for free!

By now they should have invented needles that don't hurt. Should have figured out a way to make that drill not hurt when it finally gets to that nerve in the tooth! Surely I and enough others have paid them enough money to do that research and come up with inventions! But no, they spend it on rent, mortgage, clothes, food, college for their kids, paying off their college loans. Cars to get back and forth to work. And all other kinds of useless stuff. LOL

Oh where the mind does wonder when it's in pain...

Escaping

I'm planning to run away from home Wednesday morning. Well, what I call running away. Work is caught up and while some others in the area have already started making hay, I'm in need of and taking a brief vacation.

Getting away from what is in my eyes daily and hopefully letting my mind refresh itself. Meeting someone new and exciting and getting to know them on a more personal basis. Seeing their world and seeing their sights. Enjoying the things that makes them smile. Enjoying in a closer way the smiles they have shared with me daily for a while now.

There are still responsibilities. Things that need done. Like the lawn and garden need cared for.

Friday evening the weatherman left me know that it would start raining Sunday and would be raining until Tuesday off and on.

It's already that time of year that the lawn needs mowed once a week. So I spent all day Saturday catching up on the mowing. I did get a chance to discuss with a neighbor about an open ditch that gets in both of our ways. It was left before either of us were born by the township when they put a culvert pipe beneath the road. I've complained before to the deaf ears of elected officials.

Not only is it in our way, it is no more than ten inches from the edge of the pavement of the road. Now if someone would slightly run off the pavement they surely could hit that ditch and be in a really bad accident.

So we made the decision and came to an agreement that we will extend the culvert pipe. All at no cost to the township and we're not asking or telling them either.

Also when mowing along the road to keep it looking nice and neat I stopped and chatted with the son in law and my grandson at their house. They were planting their garden. My daughter and youngest grand daughter came out to say hello too.

Then Sunday my son and I went and did some shopping and stopped in for a breakfast buffet. Then I came home and tended to the garden. Tilled the paths between the rows and pulled some young weeds. Planted a few remaining flowers from the flats I'd gotten earlier and tended to the flower gardens along the house.

So I managed to kick the weekend in the rump, but get the mowing out of the way for at least a week. I will be home next Tuesday to do it all over again. Maybe...

I'm free, I'm single. My parenting days are done. I can come and go as I please. If I should want to spend a few more days away and enjoying what the world has to offer I can. I've busted my rear getting ahead of schedule just so I could have some time to myself and get away.

I had just planned to run away and do some fishing and exploring locally. But someone snuck up on me and caught the attention of my heart. Instead of the normal run and hide reflex I usually get, I have felt totally comfortable talking to her. Our major interests in life are so close to the same there is almost no difference at all. Our outlooks of smiling and laughing and seeing work as play are very similar. While discussing things and events from our pasts I realized we could both write the same book. Some details would be different, but the same lessons would be passed along.

We have a way of constantly making each other smile and laugh. We have come to looking forward to the hour or so we spend together chatting in the mornings and evenings before getting started on our days. Might even say we need and feed off of each others company.

Where will it go? Who knows. In the least we will spend time laughing and playing. Enjoying her part of the world and getting to know each other face to face.

I will have the opportunity to fish in a river I had always wanted to fish but never yet did. A river that has some of it's beginnings right here in my back yard. A creek that starts from a spring on a friends farm withing walking distance from me.

My childhood dreams while making hay under the heat of a scorching sun on a hot summers day of putting a canoe on that creek and making my way from here to the Mississippi river and on to the gulf may never get fulfilled because of age and a tired old body. But I can drive along and fish it. I can still follow the waters to whatever adventure they may hold and give me.

I've worked and done what I could to make it possible to take sometime away. I've faced the responsibilities and gotten them out of my way. I've saved little by little to have the finances for a trip and vacation.

If I can do it, anyone can.

I will return with a renewed attitude and a refreshed, rested mind. I will create even more memories to give cause for more smiles.

And by the sounds of it I might even return with a few more extra pounds. Sounds like she might be planning on capturing my heart through my stomach... : )

Since I Won't Be Here

It's a good thing mom's have more patience than strength. Face it there wouldn't be many kids left if she didn't... Nor men!

My dear mother had way more than her share of patience. This I know because I tested the bounds of her patience on a very regular basis. Like every day!

And yet she had the patience to allow me to still be here...

It may be a few days early, but I'd like to wish each and every one that goes by the nickname “mom”

A

Beautiful

Filled with Smiles

Warmth

And

Love

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

Picture From

You really are the most important people with the most important job on the earth!

There really is no way to possibly thank you enough for what you do.