There I was sitting on the front porch Wednesday evening watching the hummingbirds and chatting with them like I usually do in the evenings. Enjoying the cool breeze in the air and unwinding at the end of my day. Preparing to make that next journey up the stairs to my bed for a good nights sleep.
I watched as two female hummingbirds seemed to take turns at the feeder while preparing for their night. A male flew in and chased the girls away. I asked him just what the heck was wrong with him. Having the chance to be with two nice ladies and then chasing them away like that. Next I asked him if maybe he didn't know how to love.
That made me stop in my tracks and get lost in a sorta bad train of thought.
After thirteen years of being alone, do I even know how to be in love...
Maybe after thirteen years I wouldn't know how to treat a woman, let alone how to really love a woman.
Many things in life are like riding a bike. You never really forget, yet I find one can get very out of practice, rusty, unskilled. Shaking and even falling on your face trying to relearn. Then it takes practice once again to get a sense of balance back.
Yup, maybe I've been alone too long.
Heck what woman in her right mind would want some old smiling fool who doesn't even know how to love!
So I guess maybe it's really best I just go on gardening and farming a little like I do. Taking my walks and talking to the birds and wild critters. Pondering people and life as I wonder the fields and woods. Having my fun, smiling and playing as nature makes me shake my head in wonder and often making me laugh. Enjoying that love between two as shared by other creatures and the people I see here and there.
Oh there is that twinge upon the heart when evening comes and there is no one to share it with. It's not like the birds can do a good job at carrying on a conversation. The dogs are bored with listening to me go on and on. Heck they just fall asleep!
There is that awkwardness when invited to things and I'm always the one to go alone. Yet I always end up in good conversation and having a good time. I can even stay as little or as long as I want. Heck I can stay until I bore the host's to sleep if I want. Though I never do because there are mornings and things at home to deal with when mornings come.
When I get the itch to take time away and travel, I can do that without worrying that it might not suit someone else. Again I can stay as little or as long as I want.
The only thing I have to worry about if I'm away is finding someone to feed the critters while I'm gone and keep them in water.
So there may be moments of feeling lonely and wishing for someone to share with, but it's not all bad.
If your alone too, find what you like doing the most and do it. Smile about all the little things you find silly and funny.
Heck you can even start a blog and share what you find that makes you smile so others can smile along.
If you do be sure to tell me here so I and others can share in that smile.
After all, maybe the love we share with all the world is even better than love shared by only two...