Monday, June 11, 2012

What You Want To Be

Heard a few words that gave me cause to think.
“A man is what he wants to be.”

If a person is constantly sad it's because they don't choose to let the small, fleeting happy moments be their focus. When all they choose to dwell on are the sorrowful sad things in life that is all they can see. They have eyes but are blinded by the sadness. They remain in their sad state of mind.

I spent many years stuck in that rut of one sadness after another. Yet when I began to pay more attention to the happy moments, though they were very short lived and far and few between, the happy began to grow into smiles. The more I heeded those happy moments, the more the happy moments came into my life. It wasn't long until I began smiling almost all the time. The sad times were still there, but they began to last shorter and I found they didn't get me down as bad.

If a person is unhappy with their job it is because they choose to stay with that job. They allow the sadness to rule and make them feel there is no way out. No way to keep the bills paid if they leave. No way to buy food if they leave.
I spent many years stuck on that never ending merry go round. But after many lay offs and needing to find other jobs, my mind began to open. I began to realize the importance in the statement “I was looking for a job when I found this one and I darned sure can find another”.
For me that grew into, if someone else can start a business and succeed so can I. It still took a few years and more lay offs, but that grew into me doing exactly that. There were still many moments of doubt and lots of hard struggles for several years after stepping out on my own, but that business grew and I did well enough to be very comfortable and happy.

I also spent many years with a sad or broken heart. I was really great at choosing the wrong partners. Women who I had a great time with, but would never last through the times when I had to put work before the fun party times. Without the long days that ran into weeks and sometimes an entire month, the good times would not be possible. The women I allowed into my life couldn't seem to find things that made them happy and kept them busy when I was busy. Women who were dependent on me for their happiness and time filling amusement.
So I finally chose to be satisfied to be alone. Convinced myself I didn't need a woman in my life. Even declared that if I was meant to be with someone that God and the universe would have to send the right one in my direction or put me in the right place at the right time to meet her.

Because of that decision I had made I spent many years alone and fending off some who came my way. If I could pick up so much as one word that made me think they were like the women of my past I'd close the doors and hide. Through those years of being alone I had my greatest struggles with the desires of the body. Those too I chose to control and convinced myself I had no need.

After a bit over twelve years someone did come into my life. In none of her words did I hear one word that gave me a red or even a yellow flag. In none of her actions did I see a red or yellow flag. From the first we talked we only grew closer. She was very aware of what she wanted in a man and I was very aware of what I wanted in a woman. We both were very aware of what was important to each of us in a life style and even that was mutual. Yet there are just enough differences to keep our lives interesting and fun.

In a very wide awake state of mind I made another choice. A choice to bring her into my life. What exactly will happen in our futures can never be known, but I feel very secure in our decisions and our futures together. I can see us doing nothing but growing together and staying together. Learning and sharing together. And playing together.

All these things have been choices.
If I wouldn't have made the choice to focus on happiness I would never have been happy. Only spending my life going from one sadness to another.
If I wouldn't have made the choice to accept that a new job could be found and the bills would get paid, I would have been stuck working for uncaring people in boring jobs.
If I wouldn't have made the choice to believe I could start and run a business, I would never have done that.
If I wouldn't have made the choice to be alone instead of with the wrong women I would have kept going from bad relationship to bad relationship and suffering from the sorrows of a broken heart. If I wouldn't have made the conscious decision to figure out what I wanted in a woman I could never have known what I wanted.
If when that woman finally entered my life I wouldn't have made the decision to allow her into my life I'd still be living with no hope in my loneliness.

So yes, when I heard those words, “a man is what he wants to be”, I understood them and made the choice to elaborate on them and share that here with you.
I will also adjust those words a little to fit what I believe and have come to know.

A person is what they want to be.

As a very favorite quote and one I live by says,
Anything the mind can “conceive” and “believe” in can be “achieved”.

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