Where Do I Belong

On the home page for my sign in there is always that silly horoscope. I don't take these horoscopes serious and if and when I can remember them, they're wrong.

Promises of wealth... Yah, still waiting for that, since the first time I was told that by a horoscope, way back during my teen years. Many times since I might add.

The promises of love... Oh yah!!! But no, that doesn't happen either. Oh, I'm going to meet the perfect girl of my dreams and live happily ever after. Fat chance! Not a one of those ever happened either.

Promises of fantastic career moves... Only career moves that were good in my life were brought about by good old fashioned work, desire and perseverance. No horoscope, anything or any one gave me a thing.

So when I do bother to read one, which is usually when it catches my eye, I read it, then think, then smile. Here's one from just the other day.

“You probably aren't going to feel very social today, dear Capricorn. In fact, you're likely to want to work on projects and tasks alone if you can. This actually might be good for you as you probably need to concentrate on crossing certain things off your list without being distracted. Still, you should get out among others at some point during the day. You might want to be alone, but you'll still need to feel that you belong.”

OK, that first line, not going to feel very social today. Hmm, I never feel very social when I get outta bed. I like quiet and coffee. Unless it's warm out. Then I like coffee and listening to the birds while drinking in the earth as it awakes to a new day. Cows I like. They don't ask for much and are usually very happy just to see ya. The dogs and cat. Well they do greet you with tail wags and love you, at least until you feed them and then they fall asleep.

Now after I'm awake and ready for the day. I'm always feeling very social. So that's a bunch of bull.

Work alone??? No way, I never “want” to work alone. It is just something that needs to be done. I look at work as play and having playmates makes it that much more fun. And no, it's never good for me to work alone, I get to bored and begin to daydream. When that happens I start to wonder from one task to another. Having someone to work with keeps me from doing that. No it's eleven years of being alone that makes me the mess I am. My own brain is my distraction!

As for the lists, I do make lists for important things that must be taken care of, if I remember... They do get accomplished better that way. Even when my mind begins to wonder I can refer to the list to get back on track. But all the other little things don't need a list. No, they're more like having a nagging partner. Every time you look around they scream at you to get something done. But I don't have to listen. So see, there are benefits of being alone : )

Want to be alone? I'm not sure anyone wants to be alone. For myself it's just a given that others have a life too. They need to do their things and can't always find the time to be hanging around me. As for a female partner in my life. Well, all I can find and pick are very shallow women and I end up alone anyway. So why bother. I just accept that I will spend whatever is left alone and get on with living.

Feeling that I belong... What a thought. I feel like I belong when with my kids and their families. Feel like I belong when with the grand kids. Feel like I belong when at gatherings. Usually. Belonging with a life's partner... Ehh, probably not.

I do, though, have a feeling of belonging when I'm with the critters. Like me, they're dumb enough not to know to expect the worst from anyone and just love them all. Unless hurt. So we have a connection there.

I feel I belong when I'm out in the fields or woods. Being just another creature on Gods green earth. Exploring and being amazed by all that's there. Smelling all the different wonderful smells. Seeing the majesty of huge trees or even tiny wildflowers. Enjoying the feeling of laying on grass while watching the clouds to find what shapes I may see. The heat of the sun shining down on my body. Even the feel of a crisp chill in the air. If I want, singing and dancing in the rain. (thanks Gene Kelly)

Then I smile, because I've gotten to think and remember, what it is to be me.