Horny

Friday. Now I try and write something for anyone who is lonely on Fridays. Something that I figure may take them away from their loneliness for even a short while. Maybe something they could do to help occupy the time. But... I'm about out of ideas. I was hoping for some help or suggestions in the form of comments. Well, maybe there isn't anyone out here that is as lonely as I've been led to believe or who can help. Ok...

So I kinda thought that maybe I'd use the time here to introduce some of the silly things I've heard around home... Now I do believe that the only dumb question is the question not asked. Heard that from a school teacher years ago and I adopted it. There is never a question you have that shouldn't be asked. Yah some may laugh, but you, you learn.

So on to horns.

Beep, beep? No not those horns. Nope, not the blaring horns of semi's rolling down the highway. Certainly not the blasting scream of a train passing by. Nor that cute, but later annoying, sound from that train under a Christmas tree.

But rather the horns, or lack there of, on cows.

Now being born and for the most part raised on a farm and now being the sixth generation owner, I guess it's one of those things that are second nature. I just never really think about it. First time I heard questions about cows horns I though, huh?

The question was, why don't your cows have horns like the ones on TV?

Actually had one person ask, why aren't those cows horny?

Thanks again Hollywood for leading people astray... Hollywood and the rest of the film industry seem to like to make things look as scary as possible. They have a knack for over exaggeration. Sadly, many people believe everything they see...

OK, I chuckled a bit but...

Cows get big. No, I mean “B I G”! Horns get “big” and “long”. When your with a huge horned animal and doing your best to care for them you sometimes get shoved around by them. Well now, how would you like to have one of those big horns implanted in some part of your body? Not only that but when cows are together in confined areas they shove each other around. Then you could have a cow that is gored by one of those big horns. Some cows, like humans, develop a bad temper and even want to go after others and horns again lead to sometimes, fatal injury... So what do you do? You get rid of the horns.

Now guys and women with cows have an affection for their animals that you would not believe. I've known guys who cared for their livestock more than their own families. Or so it seems. As for me... Well, I tried to teach my kids to stand on their own and take care of their selves. But no matter how hard ya try ya can't teach a cow how to do that. They need a full time babysitter, a care giver. Well that's us. “I tell you this for later.”

We tend to burn or cut the horns off of them.

Now before ya go getting all upset at the sounds of that and get all PETA on me let me say, it doesn't hurt unless you really screw up. It's kinda like cutting fingernails but on a really huge scale. Mater of fact I've had a few cows that didn't even need held when getting horns cut off. A few of them just wanted to move on and go about their cow business. But hey, I get bored when getting a hair cut. (Maybe that's why I do that as little as possible) Then too you have some who are not at all sociable and want left alone...

When you have a young calf the easiest way is it get a dehorning paste which you put on the little tiny horn nubs when they appear and that burns them off. If you did the job right, they seldom ever come back. It's a bit like wart remover only stronger.

(Now for that later I mentioned before...) If your a slob and don't keep that calf still, you can smear that stuff and cause a nasty flesh burn. You have to hurry and clean any smear to keep it from getting bad. The first time that happened with me in charge I about had tears in my eyes. I was really feeling bad for my little baby. Another thing about that stuff is you end up getting some on yourself from time to time and yup, you get a bad burn...

There is a tool for burning horns off. Now that may not hurt the cow but what that does to your smeller is about the worst thing possible. That smell (a lot like a burning forest of hair in a garbage dump) stays with you for three or four days.

When I was a boy we would cut horns off with a saw. That's usually done with an older and much bigger cow. They get real angry about waiting for you to get through. It's no fun... There is also a power tool that can cut them off but I've never used one and don't really know anything about them or using them.

Here's an answer for another question that gives me many a great laugh!

Now for you city type folks, she cows and he cows both have horns. And ya tell the difference by looking on the underside, towards the rear, for a big hydraulic cylinder sort of thing on them he cows, or for some “oh my god” sized boobs on the ladies...

So now two mysteries of farm life have been revealed. Hope it helps even a little to let ya understand. For farmers and ranchers, it's just a part of life. Not much different than getting a hair cut and its just something we do because it's needed, we just never think of it as something everyone doesn't know. So we may smile, chuckle, or even laugh when asked but hey, we'll gladly explain! Heck, we love to talk anyway. Kinda like a mom starved for adult conversation I guess...

Hmm, maybe next week I'll tell ya why something seems to be missing when ya look for that big hydraulic cylinder sort of a thing...