Judgment

We judge others by actions, we judge ourselves by intentions.

When we judge the things we think or the things we do, our intentions are what lead us to our judgment. If in any way we see our intentions as good, no matter what it is we do, we believe it is good.

Should someone else voice a view opposing our own we are ready for an argument or a fight.

Wouldn't it be better to hear why the others believe what they do about us? Wouldn't it be better for us if we listened and learned how others see our actions and then decide if we are making the right choices and not offending others?

When we judge others it's because of the actions we see that we form our judgment. No mater their intentions we can only see what we want to see and we decide for ourselves if they are right or wrong.

Wouldn't it be better to try and learn the intentions of others and try to see things from their perspective? Try to understand before making a final judgment?

Wouldn't it be better to at least listen to the intentions of others to try and understand their intentions before condemning them?

There are very seldom any two people who see something exactly the same. When there is a car accident observed by several people the descriptions are all a little different. It's up to the investigator to take all the witnesses have to say and formulate a final judgment based on that knowledge and any physical evidence.

Shouldn't we then give someone we may disagree with the benefit of hearing their intentions before passing judgment that they are wrong?

Maybe then when we say they are wrong, we would have a helpful message to help them towards their goal.

What You Want To Be

Heard a few words that gave me cause to think.

“A man is what he wants to be.”

If a person is constantly sad it's because they don't choose to let the small, fleeting happy moments be their focus. When all they choose to dwell on are the sorrowful sad things in life that is all they can see. They have eyes but are blinded by the sadness. They remain in their sad state of mind.

I spent many years stuck in that rut of one sadness after another. Yet when I began to pay more attention to the happy moments, though they were very short lived and far and few between, the happy began to grow into smiles. The more I heeded those happy moments, the more the happy moments came into my life. It wasn't long until I began smiling almost all the time. The sad times were still there, but they began to last shorter and I found they didn't get me down as bad.

If a person is unhappy with their job it is because they choose to stay with that job. They allow the sadness to rule and make them feel there is no way out. No way to keep the bills paid if they leave. No way to buy food if they leave.

I spent many years stuck on that never ending merry go round. But after many lay offs and needing to find other jobs, my mind began to open. I began to realize the importance in the statement “I was looking for a job when I found this one and I darned sure can find another”.

For me that grew into, if someone else can start a business and succeed so can I. It still took a few years and more lay offs, but that grew into me doing exactly that. There were still many moments of doubt and lots of hard struggles for several years after stepping out on my own, but that business grew and I did well enough to be very comfortable and happy.

I also spent many years with a sad or broken heart. I was really great at choosing the wrong partners. Women who I had a great time with, but would never last through the times when I had to put work before the fun party times. Without the long days that ran into weeks and sometimes an entire month, the good times would not be possible. The women I allowed into my life couldn't seem to find things that made them happy and kept them busy when I was busy. Women who were dependent on me for their happiness and time filling amusement.

So I finally chose to be satisfied to be alone. Convinced myself I didn't need a woman in my life. Even declared that if I was meant to be with someone that God and the universe would have to send the right one in my direction or put me in the right place at the right time to meet her.

Because of that decision I had made I spent many years alone and fending off some who came my way. If I could pick up so much as one word that made me think they were like the women of my past I'd close the doors and hide. Through those years of being alone I had my greatest struggles with the desires of the body. Those too I chose to control and convinced myself I had no need.

After a bit over twelve years someone did come into my life. In none of her words did I hear one word that gave me a red or even a yellow flag. In none of her actions did I see a red or yellow flag. From the first we talked we only grew closer. She was very aware of what she wanted in a man and I was very aware of what I wanted in a woman. We both were very aware of what was important to each of us in a life style and even that was mutual. Yet there are just enough differences to keep our lives interesting and fun.

In a very wide awake state of mind I made another choice. A choice to bring her into my life. What exactly will happen in our futures can never be known, but I feel very secure in our decisions and our futures together. I can see us doing nothing but growing together and staying together. Learning and sharing together. And playing together.

All these things have been choices.

If I wouldn't have made the choice to focus on happiness I would never have been happy. Only spending my life going from one sadness to another.

If I wouldn't have made the choice to accept that a new job could be found and the bills would get paid, I would have been stuck working for uncaring people in boring jobs.

If I wouldn't have made the choice to believe I could start and run a business, I would never have done that.

If I wouldn't have made the choice to be alone instead of with the wrong women I would have kept going from bad relationship to bad relationship and suffering from the sorrows of a broken heart. If I wouldn't have made the conscious decision to figure out what I wanted in a woman I could never have known what I wanted.

If when that woman finally entered my life I wouldn't have made the decision to allow her into my life I'd still be living with no hope in my loneliness.

So yes, when I heard those words, “a man is what he wants to be”, I understood them and made the choice to elaborate on them and share that here with you.

I will also adjust those words a little to fit what I believe and have come to know.

A person is what they want to be.

As a very favorite quote and one I live by says,

Anything the mind can “conceive” and “believe” in can be “achieved”.

Reality Check

And right back to reality.

Turned on the morning news and heard of a local roofer who fell. He did not walk away. The end of another life came all to early. A family will spend years asking why they lost a loved one. Not sure if I knew him or not. They didn't give his name over the news yet.

I've managed and been lucky enough to walk away from not one, but three falls. One from scaffolding while working on the eaves and fascia of a roof. One from a two and a half story which had a new deck, but didn't yet have the railing. So I fell from the roof and then went over the deck and on down a hill behind. The other from the roof itself, but after getting my breath and taking limb and bone count I managed to get up and walk away.

Most do not live past their first fall from a roof. Those that do learn instantly what real pain is all about from broken bones.

Today we have safety harnesses which is something I never had to work with. But still, roofing is a very dangerous job. I always compared it to working on the side of a hill covered with hidden loose rocks all day long.

The worst a person can do is feel safe and lose their fear when working on a roof. Always feeling fear is what keeps you alert. Show me a roofer who says he doesn't feel fear and I'll show you a liar or someone who is not safe to work with...

Working at roofing is wonderful. There is the feeling of being a bird and looking down over life as it goes on. There are the beautiful views that few ever get the chance to see. There is a serenity to the workplace. There is the money.

But you earn that money from working in unsafe working conditions. You earn that money from working in the heat of a hot sun with no place for shade. You earn that money carrying the heavy materials. You earn that money with the strain on your back which eventually causes back pain.

Sometimes roofers come to an end of earning that money from a loose shingle or a rotted unseen board or even a simple slip.

So I'm compelled for todays blog to say hello to my fellow roofers.

Be safe guys and gals. You are to precious and needed to lose. Always keep your mind on your footing and your work. Appreciate that little fear that goes through your mind and your gut. Let it guide you.

And while it's in my mind, hey when you were cleaning up you missed a nail way over there : )

The Journey Into The Future

There's a lot going on in my personal life. Plans for big changes are being made. Quite probably this home, this farm will no longer be the home of two guys who can act like and do things like two guys. I assure that these changes are very welcome.

Work that is normally needed is being kept up with and there is the added work of making the house half way presentable to anyone but a guy. I feel a bit guilty for not keeping up with the blog, but when other things take precedence some things suffer a bit.

I had hoped to get back to a regular blogging routine. It's not like it takes forever to decide on what to say and write a blog and then post it. Yet I'm having a hard time finding that time right now. Well, there is that and the fact that my mind is on something else. OK, someone else.

I will from time to time find moments where I'll be here and writing, but I admit that things like my kitchen have been left go to a disastrous state. Many small repairs have been left slip by the way. Cosmetic repairs have been almost totally ignored. My own self made to do list has been ignored.

Yup, I'll admit. If it were not for women, many of us guys would still be living in caves. And quite possibly when those caves needed a good cleaning we would just move to another cave. Heck, we'd probably just all live in a warmer climate and use big leaves for protection from the rain.

So as I go about the normal daily tasks and chores and am swamped with trying to catch up on cleaning, trying to get tools and parts out of the house and back to the garage and shop, attempting to get sports gear to a proper order and place, finding long lost items, I will be here when I can. But I just can't promise when.

This month, June, will be a challenge in the least. Then next month changes will occur and I'm sure there will be enjoyment and party time. Time for showing the area and time for introductions. The introductions should be fun for both of us. I haven't told anyone but the family closest to me of the changes to come. I just know there will be stunned faces and a million questions. Heck, I haven't even been known to date for twelve years!

I'm really looking forward to that. : )

After twelve years of solitude, twelve years of living like a monk. There is someone who finds me attractive, someone who knows rural farm life and the little seen working side of the picture that is hidden in the pretty stories and pictures. Someone with interests like my own, someone with a history so similar we could almost write the same book of learned ways, warnings and morals. Someone who loves to garden and see things grow. Someone who loves the outdoors as much or maybe more than I do.

Someone who has just enough difference to keep life interesting and fun, someone to learn with, someone to grow more with. Someone to have as a partner and share the ends of the days with while rocking on the porch and talking while watching the sun go to sleep for the day and hearing the night creatures waking up to sing us to sleep with their melodies.

Someone who has finished raising their children as I have and is ready now to spoil the grandchildren and send them home. Someone willing to share the lifelong learned stories with those that will listen and want to learn.

Could even be a book in here somewhere of the old biker and hippy chick who traveled separate paths and found each other in the end and lived happily ever after. Yah, kinda like a fairy tail...

Just maybe fairy tails do come true for some who are willing to let God, the spirits and the universe guide them.

I'm about to find out. With a smiling face and a warm heart I face and accept this new journey I'm about to step into with open arms. Another journey that life has prepared me for and has put in my path. Something interesting to do as I travel onward through this life. A journey that can be shared with someone so interesting, warm, kind and loving that they managed to break down my walls.

Someone to help me show that even after heartbreak so bad that is causes you to shut out the world there is still a ray of sunshine that can filter in. Someone who can turn a heart of stone into clay and mold it in their warm hands can find you. Someone who can melt the ice cubes that course through your icy veins at the though alone of love is somewhere out there.

And I'm just the kind to want to put that into words to share with the world. Put those words somewhere where people can find them freely and find joy and hope from them.

And by now my loved, regular readers here know I have a big enough mouth that never seems to stop and the chances of my doing that are more than very good.

So as my life journey continues to move ahead and I smile, you too continue to smile and share a smile with anyone and everyone you can.

Whats Next

It never ceases to amaze me how when I hang clothes out on the line, I can make it rain... But oh well, an extra rinse doesn't hurt a thing when the water is free.

But whats really on my mind?

Nothing lasts, everything passes. In all things the words ring, this too shall pass.

Things happen during a lifetime. Some bring pain, some end in pain. Some cause the mind to build defenses like walls.

Walls have flaws, walls erode over time.

One day a ray of hope penetrates the walls.

Memories of happier moments that have fluttered by like hummingbirds through a lifetime come to mind.

The mind begins to wonder.

The emptiness and solitude behind the walls feeds the wonder.

With lessons taught by past pains we know that to protect ourselves we should patch those walls. Reinforce them. Give them a fresh coat of paint.

But do we?

Should we?

Doubts arise. Hope springs. The heart begins to blossom. Joyful thoughts begin to arise. The mind begins to play with ideas of bright and happy days. Days of no more loneliness. Days of no more solitude. Days of having someone to share with.

Those ideas grow to ideas of a lifetime of joy and happiness.

Just how much can one being take before they shut down forever? Before the death of hope is final. Before they've learned to try no more. Before they have turned into a cold and icy, uncaring piece of rock as hard as granite.

It's not hard to make the decision to build those walls. Not hard to say you can accept the solitude of being alone. Not even hard to find what you enjoy doing alone and do it.

But that damned hope. How does one keep out a sneaky thing like hope.

But when one allows those walls to crumble they surely know there could be more pain of heartache! More weeks, months and even years of self loathing and self pity.

Yet the walls come tumbling down.

New, yet old, doubts come easily into the mind at the slightest words or actions. The seasoned brain plays games within itself. Tears that may not have just cause pour out. The stomach knots, old fears arise. Worries fed by bad memories of the past send shutters through the bones.

You know that should more heartache come from your foolish abandonment of your walls that you will have no one, no one but yourself to blame!

You look back at the pile of dust that once was your defenses, your walls. You ask, which hurts more?

Heartache from becoming someone in someones past?

Or the everyday heartache you knew in your solitary hideout behind those walls filled with loneliness?

Maybe there are two things that are eternal. Hope and fear.

But just maybe, possibly, someone will have the eraser that will erase the fears.

See! There is that hope again. Seems there is no eraser for that.

But could it be that once hope is trampled enough even it's roots will die and wither away?

Could some fool be close to finding out the answer to that question?

To late now. The book has been opened, chapters have been read. There is no way to skip to the ending to see.

Confounded confusion!

What's next?

We shall see.

Need Another Escape Already

My trip home last Monday went well. Was uneventful except for a deserved speeding ticket. I was angry with myself, not the cop that pulled me over.

There was no one else on the road but me, so I had picked up a paper that I had my directions on and was reading that while keeping and eye on the road. I wasn't looking at the speedometer. I had crept up over 70 and then probably even a little faster.

I should have pulled off the road to look at that list and not kept driving. Anything could have run across the highway or even another driver could have come zooming along. So Like I said, I deserved that ticket. It was a warning to me to pay attention to the driving and not the directions unless I was pulled over to look at them.

I got to see some pretty country. The land was flatter than I'm used to, but it was mostly rolling hills. The people of the area were friendly and very polite.

I did like the prices of things there. They were cheaper than here at home on many things. Got to dip a line in the Ohio river between Indiana and Kentucky. Caught a fish with every cast.

I never even changed my gear from what I use on much smaller streams. I stretched my line and gear to their limits. My plan was to test the waters, see what fish and what size fish were there and then make plans for the next time I'd be there. I had fun.

My wonderful friend and I spent many hours talking, laughing and smiling. We hiked fields, walked woods and wondered along the river. We even saw a kindred spirit of mine wondering freely. An ass that probably made it's escape and was roaming around. I call him my kindred spirit because I'm as stubborn as they are.

I even snapped a photo when my friend got out of the vehicle and was standing and looking at him. Yes, I have photographic proof that not only men stand around staring and check out asses!

I won't put the photo on here though because of privacy and not wanting to give the ill minded something to do...

My friend and I became much closer and our feelings towards each other grew. Quite possibly more on that to come...

But since returning home I've been busier than a cat with two tails. My first surprise was to find out it didn't rain enough while I was gone to even settle the dust. So a thorough watering of the garden was well overdue. Yet my lawn had grown fast enough to need mowing. Looked like it could have been mown twice a week. Then there were many other things that needed done and caught back up. There was also my case of the tireds after all the excitement and driving. My tail has really been dragging...

Other than just looking at my truck we haven't started taking it apart. Did find though that a brake line had burst sometime through the events that left me along side the road broke down. So I'm feeling even luckier that I broke down. If not I soon would have been in some heavy stop and go traffic. Should that brake line have burst then there could have been some serious injury! So again instead of being upset over a break down I'm feeling very blessed that the universe is looking out for me and watching over me.

I've still got lots of work to do and much to get caught back up on, but I hope to get back to more regular blogging now.

But I really wish I could just lay in bed a few days and sleep...

I Ended Up In A Journey

Started my trip out early Wednesday morning. The traffic dropping down off of the mountain was nonexistent. There was then the drive through the metropolitan leg of my trip out of Pennsylvania. That wasn't bad. I left after the early rush of seven to three shift workers and before the nine to fivers began their trip to work.

Made it out of Pennsylvania, made it across the West Virginia pan handle. Was into Ohio and cruising along fine, I was relaxed and really into my escape from home. Searched the radio and found an acceptable station that fit my mood.

About half an hour into Ohio and I heard the most awful sound. A screeching, grind from the transmission. The truck started slowing. I stepped on the clutch and looked for another gear. Nothing... I coasted off the side of the road and far enough to be on the grass. I knew I was in for a wait. I'm impatient. I will crawl half way under the truck to find out what is wrong and want to be far enough from the roadway to be safe in doing so.

I didn't quite make it half way under. I knelt down, peaked my head under and saw the smoke coming from the transmission. Saw oil dripping from the tail shaft. Yup. The poor old transmission was a goner. Not a thing I could do here along a highway. Not a thing anyone could. It needs to be home where the tools are and must undergo replacement surgery.

I called the son who was all to ready to make the three and a half hour trip to come to my rescue. I told him no, if I needed him later I'd call.

Now I'm sitting there waiting for a cop to come by so I could wave him down and get him to call someone local. Yah. Just where are they when ya need em...

A roll back came down the ramp beside me. He backed down to my truck. I asked him if someone called and said I was sitting there or if he just happened down the ramp and saw me. He got a strange look on his face. No, he was there to pick up a Ranger and asked if my name was... No. Then I looked down the road a bit behind me. There was another truck sitting under an underpass. I though he was just sitting there in the shade taking a break.

No such luck. Found out later his oil pump went out.

So the roll back driver backed on down to that truck and loaded him up. We had talked before and he said he'd come back to get me next. But even though I was quite content just knowing that, he even offered to pick me up after getting loaded and drop me somewhere to get coffee or a bite to eat or even just ride along. So he dropped me two exits earlier than I was at and went on to drop the other guy, his little daughter and the truck.

I got coffee at a Mc Donalds and started making plans and looking for prices on the internet.

I was picked up by my wonderful roll back guy an hour later and we were off to pick up my pickup.

Loaded up my old (needed to be retired and replaced three years ago) truck. He asked where I wanted it taken. Uhh, I'm not about to ask you to take it home, I just need a storage lot until I can get it. I already called my roll back guy back home and his price wasn't near as bad as I expected. So the guy said he had a lot, but it would cost. Well, no duhh. I didn't expect it for free. Take it there and I'll even call home again and find out when my guy can get it and I'll pay you in advance plus an extra day just in case.

I already had my mind made up that there was no way I was going home. I'd take a bus and still get to my destination. My escape. My rehab from home.

Well, while he was making out the bill I looked at the U Haul trucks sitting in his lot. I mentioned I should just rent one to complete my trip. But danged the luck, the last smaller one there was promised for later that day.

A few lines of pleasant conversation later, I mentioned renting one and a trailer to take my old beast back home. Wanted a price to make a decision. While he was getting my roll back bill and the rental price together I asked him about a car rental place. He thought for a second and then gave me a name and a phone book.

I looked up the number and dialed. Thinking it would cost a small fortune for a rental to get back on my way. I asked the guy on the other end of the phone and sat back to be ready for the sticker shock. He came back on the phone and I was shocked... Might have even had my jaws hanging open looking like a fish outta water. But my shock was in that he quoted me less that half of what I expected! I hurried up and said don't let anyone even get close enough to look at that SUV until I get there. Bud, you've got a deal and a smiling customer.

My roll back bill was less than half of what I expected! When the price for a rental truck and trailer was figured out it was almost a hundred dollars cheaper that paying someone to haul old baby back home. So I made the deal on that.

OK. So not even half way into my trip and I've got a brand new Dodge Journey to drive in comfort. Have plans that when I take that back to pick up my old baby and take it back home and I've met some wonderful people and shared many smiles!

Danged if I'm not the luckiest guy! Now it's Friday. I've met the person I intended to meet and wow are they a great cook. Their attitude is exactly what I expected from the conversations we've had. They are even the same person as they were over the internet. I suspected right. No fakes here!!!

I sure hope your week and weekend are going as fantastically wonderful as mine and that your smiling like the cat that got the canary just as I am.

Life may try to toss us some curves, but if we stay smiling and at least try to remain happy. The bad crud just doesn't stand a chance of keeping us down.

Have a great weekend! I know I certainly will.