Yah, why don't we give up

There are things you want in life and there are things you need.

Twelve years ago I had given up on finding the love of a woman and focused my life on raising my two youngest children. I had a good business going and that took up a lot of time. I also had this farm and that took up any spare time I could possibly find.

Admittedly over the first five of those years I felt actual pain from physical needs that had been filled on a pretty regular basis over the years before. But I slowly found those needs were not real needs. They were wants.

I gradually overcame them and life went on.

As I was busy working and raising my children I constantly ran into people who never had a smile on their face. They left their lives get them down and seemed to have forgotten how a smile can make you feel.

I was very aware of how my children made me feel when they made me smile. My daughter began my awakening when I was watching her watch a bird. I had forgotten the joy and interest of watching a bird.

I also watched as she and her younger brother looked on in amazement with pretty smiles their faces as they looked, really looked, at a flower. At trees, at wild and domestic animals. At clouds in the sky. At all this world has to offer that is free to look at and observe.

Things that as an adult I had forgotten and took for granted.

I began once again to see the beauty all around me. I began to feel the serenity of life. I began to smile more and feel the smiles more deep in my heart and soul.

As I would run into frowning people I would be smiling. I noticed that my smiles would turn their frowns into smiles. I began to take on the task of sharing all the smiles I could.

Then I started this blog to attempt to share the smiles and share things that made me smile and thoughts that helped me when something tried to erase my smile. The troubling things in life that I had worked through or had known someone who worked through and gave me advice when I needed it.

I didn't “need” a partner in life, that was just something or someone I wanted.

Then someone wandered into my life and began expressing how they had wanted a life like mine and all the things they would do if they had it. They were single too and soon I had very deep feelings for her. But then at the last minute she backed out.

There I was. Where I had been many years before. Hurting and having a hard time finding things to smile about. I've thrown myself into work around here and am still slowly healing.

I'm back to wondering what someone mentioned in a comment here on the blog in “Have To Make My Own Fun”. Why don't we give up on love. Our trust in others is smashed to pieces. Yah, what if it happens again...

I'd like to say I'll never be in that position again. I'd like to give up completely on love and never again have a thing to do with a mate in my life. I'd like to never again take a chance on feeling the pain of a broken heart. Yah, I'd like that.

But deep in the back of my mind I know that should someone right, with the right desires, the right hopes and dreams, near enough my age that I wouldn't feel like a child molester would come into my life and approach me I would begin the journey all over again.

I try to build my walls, but they crumble at the sound of a sweet voice speaking the right words.

Am I a sucker... Am I a fool... Am I that needy...

Or is it maybe that I know the elation and warm feelings of having someone to share life with. Someone to talk to at the end of a day. Someone to work with. Someone to have fun with. Someone who can understand me and can understand what I've learned and been through. Someone to hold me when I'm feeling low and things aren't going right. Someone to chat with and smile at when I begin my day.

I guess giving up is an option, but could one even if they wanted to...

I'd think the desire to have someone would override any decision to give up that anyone could have.

Some say they want to be alone. Nothing would make them happier.

I'd guess they are people who don't have much time on their own.

Heck I've felt that way at times during my life myself!

To them I say try being alone for a few years and see what ya have to say!

So my healing continues. I smile at the chickens I've gotten to replace the ones that were killed by wild animals. They're fun to talk to and watch. I call them when I get near and they scurry to where I am to greet me and hope for food. It's fun to watch them argue over who is the head of the pecking order. And now that they are settling in and getting comfortable with their new home they are even beginning to give me eggs. Fresh eggs! Free range eggs that have that deep dark yellow yolk because they eat what chickens are supposed to eat and get the benefit of lots of sunshine.

I'm able to take a few minutes here and there to watch and enjoy nature and let her give me smiles. Heck even breakdowns are beginning to make me laugh and smile again!

It's often said that people come into your life for a reason. Maybe, just maybe the reason for what happened this summer to me was to make me get back to the basics of why I smile so I could share it here on the blog where others could see and learn. Maybe it was just meant to be a distraction from my life.

I do believe that what we learn is to be shared or it's just a waste. I do believe that how we are inspired is how we can share.

There was a reader here who sent me an e mail. Said they didn't know why.

Well I certainly needed to hear your kind words. You getting that inspiration and sending that e mail has lifted my spirits. You made me smile on a day when I was feeling more like frowning.

It's not always easy to smile. At times it can really be quite tough. Yet the more we smile and share the smiles the easier it gets.

It's just not a smiling matter to give up! Every frown must be turned upside down.

So as I go about my day smiling like the Cheshire cat, how about you all help spread the smiles : )

Just another silly thought I had one day over the weekend while working.

I wonder if anyone else always thinks of Swisher Sweets cigars when they hear the name Clinton.

That guy sure knew how to make his swisher sweet!

Why do we listen to chickens

I've never been one that left fear stop me from doing things. If I think of doing something and it feels right, I do it. If I feel a fear pop up I just let it be a warning to be careful and think about how I'm doing things.

Some people let other people talk fear into them. They want to do something and even plan out how they will do it. Then when talking to others they let the fear of those others build in their own minds.

I wonder how many fun things, wonderful times, great lives have been stopped dead in their tracks by fear...

How many people suffer in a hum drum or lonely life, an existence, because of fear...

Maybe it's because for so many years, like my entire life, I've been around people and have been a person who planted seeds every year not knowing whether the rain would fall in a high enough amount to let them grow. Spent a tidy sum of money on seed, fertilizer and fuel, spent many hours of my life. All on a hope and bet that if I did my part well the universe would look after me and my plans would work out well.

I didn't let sorry forecasts from some weather man for a bad year stand in my way! And the worst years I've had were break even years.

Heck even this year with the garden I allowed to get away from me with weeds. I got a nice crop of tomatoes and other stuff from anyway. Would have been better if I'd stayed home and put more energy into it, but I took a chance on something else.

Now that something, or someone else allowed so called friends to instill their fears into them. That brought a chance to have a wonderful life to a quick end. A life they said they had always wanted.

There were times in my life when others tried their darnedest to instill their fears into me. Like when I wanted to try rock climbing, like when I wanted to try racing, like when I was young and started a band. I didn't listen to the people who are afraid to take a chance and I had the greatest of times!

If we don't step away or past our fears we can't ever find the good that lies on the other side.

Heck, even though my plans this year to have someone in my life went bad it wasn't a total bust. I had a great time visiting some place new. Found an area of the country that sounds like the perfect place for me to spend my winters in now that I'm older and don't want to deal with the heavy snows, the ice and the cold winds any longer.

By taking chances life can be enjoyable at least. But more often taking the chances leads to better than enjoyable. More often it leads to great things!

So quit thinking and start doing. Don't let life pass you by.

Get Me Outta Here

I wonder how many Lego blocks it would take to build a house. I'm sure that after my children and now grandchildren have lost so many around here there should be enough!

Lost Lego's, a bit like lost socks I can understand. They're small and not used and seen every single day. Although they should be put in certain places sometimes they're not.

But it baffles the heck outta me how I can lose forks, knives and spoons.

Here I am again wondering where the heck a fork disappeared to again...

After the morning chores were done yesterday I was feeling lazy and out of it. So I made the only decision my mind could or maybe wanted to make. I decided to run away for the day to my favorite fishing hole in the middle of the woods. Yup, I played hookey from life for the day!

Now today though I guess I have to play catch up. I don't care, it was worth it to have some relaxation and clear the mind.

Sometimes I find that is the best thing to do when my mind is all clouded from the day to day.

Even when still working every day I would find some day where I could just blow off life. Usually over the weekend. I'd just run away from the normal and do whatever I could to relax and clear my mind.

The darned weather here has been very cool lately. It's drawing out that want of mine to buy a small, maybe an acre or two, piece of ground further south and either build a small cabin type house or get a camper to park on it during the winter. Although it's just getting chilly here now I know that come January, February and March there will be wind and snow along with well below freezing temperatures. That is something I definitely want to run away from!

I'm still leaning towards finding a place near some decent fishing holes and where I can maybe plant a small garden while I'm there for three or four months a year.

Heck it's just me and the outlook for me finding someone to share my life with seems very slim to none, so I don't need a big place. Just some place nice and in a warmer climate for the winters. A place in the woods would be perfection.

Well, while I play catch up today and ponder that idea I hope you'll have a great day and enjoy the playground of the world wherever you are!

Do I Really Want That

Last Thursday I pulled out the old tomato grinder. It's actually called a Victorio Strainer. It's great because you don't even have to take the skins off of tomatoes before running them through. All I have to do is cut them in chunks small enough to fit and send them through to make sauce. It removes all the seeds and the skins and shoots them into a bowl and sends the good stuff into another bowl or pot.

Then all I have to do is put the sauce in a pot and slowly cook the extra water off until I have a nice thick sauce. I added some chopped basil, chopped parsley and some finely chopped onion and garlic this year. That's where I stopped.

In years past I've added more, but decided it would be a more versatile tomato sauce if I stopped there. Any other things I like to add for different things can be added when I use it.

Friday I spent the day grinding up tomatoes and simmering the sauce. I then canned the sauce in pints this year. It just doesn't make sense to can it in quarts here anymore. Heck it's usually just me that I'm cooking for and so often any extra goes to waste. If I do need more I can just open up more than on pint.

While it was mostly rainy on Saturday I began working on the dining room. I figure that since it's just me and I never use the dining room as anything more than a catch all junk room, I might as well turn it into a sports room. One neat place where I can keep my rifles, shot guns, bow and arrows, all the fishing poles and all the gun and fishing gear I've amassed over the years.

I have about all the guns and poles I'll ever need along with a few I don't need but will keep because they were gifts or are just filled with great memories, so I can build glass faced cases which will display them on the walls and keep them easy to get at when I need to use them. That will keep the dust off of them so I don't have to spend so much time cleaning them when I want to use them!

I'm also intending to build in some shelves and drawers to keep all the accessories in a neater order and make them easier to find when I need them.

Heck I may go and let the kid in me come out and hang some fake fish and birds from the ceiling...

Well I had intended to wait until winter to start this project, but when having so many rainy days lately I might as well get started now.

It keeps me busy and keeps me out of trouble.

So I have two big winter projects planned now. My sports room and I'm planning to turn one of the unused bedrooms into a really huge walk in closet. Wonder if that'll keep me busy over the long lonely winter...

While working my mind began to think about me being alone. I came up with just one more reason.

Seems that just maybe I've spent so many years being hurt and learning to block my feelings or ignore them, that when I want to have feelings I can't.

I just can't fully feel them or express them...

When it comes to more than just friendship I guess I just shut down.

Now I've never pondered this kind of a problem before. Heck I don't even know where to begin to find a solution. But quite possibly I'm just not meant to find a solution for it. I can't help but think that the best for me would be to get back to where I was, being quite content with being alone and just stay there.

I may not have the beautiful flower gardens like I see other places but I have some. I may not be able to grow the fantastic herb gardens I see other places, but I can buy herbs. Herbs just don't seem to like me. I plant them, they come up, they look good and then they just die away...

Guess it just takes more time and work than I can give them. But when other work needs done what can I do...

Right now I just want to get back to laughing and smiling and enjoying life as I was before.

Heck I don't need a partner, I just want. So I have to not be wanting that.

Shouldn't be to hard a job, should it?

Arguing ? Adults ?

You just have to love it when so called adults start acting like children by calling names and arguing. It just makes me smile.

Then when it's two guys who are doing the childish name calling I get an even bigger laugh.

Part of being an adult is knowing when to keep your mouth shut. If someone says something you don't like you can choose to be the bigger person and ignore the words. Yet all to often words start flying back and forth making both look like complete fools.

Another part of being an adult is knowing how to pick and choose your battles. If it really has no importance on your life it's not worth fighting over. If it's because of something you really don't need in your life it's not worth fighting over. If it's over someone who doesn't want you it's not worth wasting your time fighting over.

By keeping your mouth shut you allow the other person to make a fool of theirself. By opening your mouth you allow yourself to look like a fool.

If it's lies that the other person is saying they will eventually be found out and look like a fool. But when you fight and argue in public and look like a fool that is what will be long remembered.

So just exactly what do you want to be looking like...

Have a great day!!!

I Plan The Day Off

To all the real workers of the world, happy Labor Day!

All the years I worked I never had a Labor Day that I didn't work. Even when working at my own business I worked. Now that I don't have to go to a job every day I still work. But really what else makes a person happier than working...

To be busy and doing something productive that you like doing just seems to make the heart happy.

It's when sitting around doing no work that my mind tends to think about sad things like loneliness.

Over the weekend with some help from my son we finally managed to get the chicken coup moved from the back of the lawn to down by the garden. So now the dogs won't be pestering the chickens all day long. I'll also have a shorter trip to haul the old hay filled with fertilizer from the coup to the garden.

The mum's my daughter and grandkids helped plant in the front yard by the birdbath are looking great and doing well. It sure added a splash of color there and I've noticed almost everyone who has driven by checking them out.

Those pieces of gutter I hung on the porch railing then filled with flowers and a few herbs are doing fantastic. I've been eating all summer long from the basil, parsley, mint and stevia. My porch is surrounded by the colors from the blooming flowers. The humming birds seem to like it too. They seem to feed from the flowers as much as they do from the four feeders.

We haven't really had a drought here this summer, but it's been dry enough that the apple trees don't have an over abundance of apples nor does the pear tree have an over abundance of pears. The grapes did OK but we've eaten so many I doubt I'll have enough left to make jelly this year. Still have some left in the canning cupboard though.

The corn in the fields that pretty much surrounds me this year is looking great. As do the other crops planted nearby that I see every day. I have one more field with a second crop of hay left to mow and bale. It's a little bit late because of the dryness this summer, but it's looking great compared to most years.

So it's just about time to begin cleaning up and getting ready for winter. I've spent so much time playing catch up this summer that I'm not ready for fall. I want to go back and have some of the summer fun I missed. Oh well, there's always next summer to look forward to.

It's also time to begin cutting up fire wood and stacking it near the house in preparation for the cold snowy days to come. Time to get the trimming done along the edges of the fields so they don't grow smaller because of trees and brush taking over.

Time to check out the roofs for any wear and damage that needs fixed before the weight of the snow gets on them. Time to begin sealing up the outbuildings to prepare for the icy cold winter winds.

Yup, there's always some work to find that can keep you busy.

Today though I'll be keeping busy at the grill. I have family and friends coming over for a Labor Day picnic.

I have steaks and chicken marinating. Have three bean salad, pickled beets and some pasta salad already made. Others will be bringing some of their favorites also. There will be kids running and playing and no doubt screaming loud enough to make the world cringe. People chatting and all sharing tales of their summer and summers past.

After the grilling is done I fully intend to do nothing but chat and rest. Might be doing that with a drink in hand. But not for too long!

Have a wonderful Labor Day!

Have To Make My Own Fun

I keep hearing the line that the right person will come along. Yah right, mine must be blind, has no legs and lives on an island without communication...

Have you ever felt someone should invent a crapometer... Wouldn't that make a great thing to carry in your pocket?

When someone starts speaking to you there would be no need to spend precious time wondering. It could sense the BS and alarm you by blurting out crap.

Had a busy day yesterday. By the end of the day my back and neck were aching and I was exhausted. When I came in I already had my mind set on a not exactly healthy dinner. I just didn't feel like eating anything but a piece of pumpkin pie.

So I tossed a crust together quickly and mixed up the filling. Put that baby in the oven, set up the coffee maker to make some coffee and went for a shower. By the time I finished the shower it was about time to take the pie from the oven. Left the pie cool for about a half hour and enjoyed.

Heck I was in bed by about seven. I laid and stretched and rested the back while watching TV. Wouldn't ya know, there wasn't a thing worth watching... But the pain eased up and I had a pretty good nights sleep.

Woke up this morning and began to move about. Yup, the pain is still there. But I have things that need done today, so I'll just gently push through and hope I don't push to hard and cause more aches.

There are a ton of places to go and things to do around here this weekend, but I'm way to busy to go have fun. I could go to the fairs in the evenings when I'm done trying to play catch up, but I suspect I'll be way to tired and probably shouldn't push the spine more than necessary.

Along with Labor day celebrations there are four fairs going on this weekend that are relatively close by. I usually try and get to all of them but this year I won't.

Sometimes priorities take the fun out of living. But I try my best to have all the fun I can by making my work as enjoyable as possible. I can always find something to smile and laugh about.

Hope you are having a fun and enjoyable weekend!