Irritations

I'll be out doing the shopping and darned if I don't see guys walking several feet in front of their ladies. Not with them, not holding hands, but out in front with their ladies trailing behind...

Then I see men walking through the doors and never even offering to hold the doors for the ladies. They even let the door shut in their faces.

Then it's up to the ladies to do all the shopping themselves while their guys stand with scowls on their faces like their being impositioned. Sometimes I even hear the guys making rude remarks about how long it takes. To me they sound as bad as little children.

I also see guys get in their cars and never open the door for their ladies to get in and seated, let alone help them put the groceries in.

What the heck ever happened to respect for ladies???

What ever happened to a man being a man?

Why do ladies tolerate being treated like this?

Is this the way the ladies wish to be treated today?

Maybe I'm old fashioned or whatever but when I hold a door for even a stranger who is a lady, she smiles and thanks me.

I was taught manners and I still have them and use them.

So, am I wrong? Has the world moved beyond manners to a world where a guys lady has to do and fend for herself? Is this that evolution junk they teach about?

Then to top this off I hear guys yelling at their ladies and calling them all kinds of ignorant names. Names I'm kinda sure would start a fight if someone used on their mothers.

At least I hope they would!

What surprises me even more is that women tolerate it all. What did their mothers teach them? Heck what did they learn from their fathers???

Were their fathers treating their mothers like that so now they think that's the way it should be?

Well, I'm an old redneck kinda guy and when I see this crud going on I tend to scowl at the offensive butt heads. What is kinda funny is that I get bad looks from them but they never have the nerve to confront me. But I am older, much bigger than most of them and I do have that cane I need to get around without stumbling. Or maybe its the bad boy biker look and the big beard...

Heck, I'd love for one of those jerks to take a poke at me. I'd gladly go straight to jail for smacking them up side their heads. I'd feel no shame as a judge would do his thing and pass the laws bad judgment against me for standing up for morals. But I'd darned sure feel better!

I haven't yet opened my big mouth and given any of those jerks a piece of my mind, but I'm real sure that one day I'll be in a bad mood and it'll happen!

Would you stand up for a woman in any of these situations?

How do you feel women should be treated, like a lady or worse than a dog?

I don't know. These guys treat women like crud and they have someone. I try and treat them decently and I'm alone... I just don't get it...

OK, I vented. I lightened that load a bit and now, I'm gonna go find something to make me smile.

Why not leave some comments about this crud and then do the same.

I'm not even trying to say anyone should, really you shouldn't. But, if you should lay one of these types of butt head jerks out, smile while your doing it and even though you'll probably go to jail for it, come back and let me know so I can share in your pride for doing the right thing, even though it is probably “legally” wrong!

I'm Back

And life goes on... Tragedy happens, death occurs, sadness abounds but yes, life goes on.

Make the most of each and every day, let others know your love for them, never miss a chance to give a hug and kiss to those you love for tomorrow may never be...

Plan as if you'll live forever but live as if each day is your last.

My heart feels sorrow for my first X wife. She's lost someone who was her love. Her fishing and hunting buddy. A guy she enjoyed life with and who made her feel whole.

For her or anyone else in this or a similar situation, there are no magic words to make them feel better. I often wonder what I could possibly say to help ease the burden of losing someone. I've been there myself and even then there were no words that could be said that would have helped. All I could say was that if she needed an ear, I'd be here to listen. A shoulder to cry on, mine are big. If she or my children needed anything, just let me know and I'll do what I can. That's normal for me to say, but that never seems like enough. I would just like to find something to say that would make everything better.

As for anyone out here that wonders why a guy would feel that way about an X... Well, get your head out of your butt. You shared a past! Just because you may have been a bad couple doesn't necessarily make either of you bad people. My question is how could you be so cold that you could not care?

Then if your like me you have children. Are you willing to throw your children, young or older, under your freight train of hatred? Hmm, not me...

Just what is it we have to live for if it's not to make others lives better?

Now comes the time, still filled with sorrow and hurt, when all the stupid legal garbage has to be dealt with. Just why does the government feel that everything people have worked for is theirs? Why do we have to take careful steps to make sure our families get what is ours when we pass? Why isn't everything just theirs?

I dislike attorneys. I've only known two in my life that I have confidence in. Only two out of many that have instilled a feeling of trust in my mind. But this is a time for a good one. When filled with sorrow and hurt a good attorney can be the best guide through the legal jungle that one could have. But I've known of many attorneys that are nothing more than vultures waiting for their chance at the remains of a persons life, leaving the family with meager scraps... Finding a good one when you head is messed up is also a dangerous challenge.

To me though, family is important and should be there for each other no matter if they are close or not. When push comes to shove who else will you ever really have... So I'm here, with open non judgmental ears, a big shoulder to cry on and here to help in any way I can that I am able to.

Next week, ugh... Back to finishing that ten things about me challenge. I really do dislike that but... I will finish the final four no matter how much humiliation I feel.

Take the day and ask yourself if your sharing you with those that matter the most to you... And think about looking now for an attorney that can be trusted to really be looking out for you.

But by all means, smile and share that smile by making someone else smile!

He Will Be Missed

There won't be the usual blog today and maybe for a few days.

A good man has gone. Why? I don't know. Why do good people leave us before we feel they should...

This was a man I came to respect. A man who did a job that I was not there to do. A man who probably did that job better than I could have. The man who took my first two children under his care and raised them as if they were his own.

I did get the chance to tell him that I believed he did a really great job in raising them. I meant it when I told him and I still believe that today.

I did get the chance to share some stories with him and share some laughs and smiles. 

I would have liked to have known him better than I did. But I felt a bit out of place. That too had nothing to do with him. I refused to let myself possibly become an interference in the family he made and their lives.

I will always appreciate that he accepted me enough to let me know my children and join in for some important events in their lives.

So I must go now and think.

I must be available for my oldest children, if they need me and the people he left behind, if they should need me.

I'll be back to the blog when I can but I really do need some time.

Ivan D

Ponder Friends

What is the point in having five or six hundred friends on facebook? How could you possibly “really know” that many people?

Someone I know has a friend they knew before facebook. Seems this friend goes to any friends friends list and adds all their friends. Friends friend doesn't even know many of the people they have added and became friends with. (Sorry, I will not name names or imply genders)

Well, this friend one I know very personally was talking to me about it and it was kinda bugging them. I just smiled.

Friend two, who I kind of know, is one who seems to have a need to know everyones business. Yup, the nosy type. The gossip.

I pointed that out to friend one and also pointed out that by doing that, friend two could keep tabs on all their friends and know exactly what each and every one was up to. And that's twenty four hours a day...

So, is friend two really a friend or are they just one of those people looking for gossip...

The ability to know the difference could be a big help to your own happiness.

It almost seems that everyone has an unsatisfiable desire for love. Is it that desire that lets us grow our own friends list, whether on a place like facebook or even in our personal life?

That desire can be good. When I feel really loved poetry flows out of me. Everything looks beautiful. I can even find beauty and good in things that any other time would trouble me. There is a song in my mind and a spring in my step! Love leads people to be creative and has been the passion behind many great works of art.

But the desire for love can be bad. When that desire is to strong we can end up doing really dumb things for someone we want as a friend. It can easily blind us to the real person behind a nice smile and good looks. Then we can end up in trouble, get hurt real bad or even have our emotions crushed. Love has, throughout history, caused wars. Love has even been the cause of murders...

Love has built families, but has also torn families apart!

But all that love has started from a friendship. Many from friendship blinded by the desire to be accepted by others. The desire to be with someone. The desire for love.

Wouldn't it be better to hold off on becoming more than acquaintances until you determine if that other person is bringing you up or pulling you down...

Making you happy or making you feel blue...

Friends are people that really do care and do good for you...

Partner Or Temporary Playmate

He sees her across a crowded room. His eyes soak in her beauty. Her eyes and flowing hair capture his mind. He lowers his eyes and beholds her luscious bosom's. Her gorgeous waist, her beautiful hips. He gazes at her exquisite legs. He raises his eyes only to find he's caught. She's looking at him, looking at her.

She sees his handsome face. His strong looking shoulders capture her and she is drawn to look further. His rigid form impresses her. She smiles.

They slowly work their way across the room, not wanting to appear to be to promiscuous. They finally meet face to face. Simple hello's, flirtatious looks. Names are exchanged and light conversation ensues, they listen to each others words and concentrate on every syllable. Silly words bring smiles and chuckles. Serious words bring interest and inspiration. Comfort sets in. Romance is in bloom.

They date and fun is had by both. They enjoy each others company and they always find something interesting to do. Time passes and they marry. They set up their happy home, life is going to be great. Then the honeymoon is over, reality sets in. Work and paying bills become the most important aspect of life. Now there is little time for the fun and enjoyment of life there once was.

Along comes little ones. Now mom hasn't the time to spend all day trying to look real pretty as she once did. There's housework and trying to keep up with the feeding, diaper changes, and care of children. Running for groceries to feed the family and still keeping the house clean. Refereeing the arguments of children. Answering phone calls from pushy salesmen. Being the entertainment director of the cruse ship for children called home. Trying to create a tasty dinner for her family in the midst of this hurricane of children and daily life. That pretty girl from early on is beat.

Hubby is working every day just to try and keep up with the bills and the added expense of children. He puts up with congested traffic. He tolerates his boss and other workers as they make his day arduous and seem to be only attempting to drive him crazy. But he has to so he can provide for his family and advance. He's beat.

He comes home hoping for silence and looking for that pretty girl he first saw across that crowded room. She too is hoping. Hoping to see that handsome attentive man she met that wonderful evening. But neither are there!

Maybe that sweet girl has a career of her own. Then she too is putting up with the struggles of work. Her life is a struggle for advancement as well. When she comes home she also is longing for that charming man she met.

But instead they find a tired grumpy partner who needs.

It takes two working together to make a marriage work. Two who must share to bring each other happiness. Two who must make each other smile. Two who must comfort each other.

Does the drive towards personal career success break marriages apart? What about family success? Doesn't family matter anymore? Who is going to be there for you when your old?

Is divorce the cure, or would it be better to find a way to spend even a few days a month with each other and be that couple that met and fell in love? Fifteen minutes a day set aside for nothing but each other. A bit of chat with ears wide open like before while sitting and holding hands. You can always find time! If you really want to...

The kids will survive. They'll learn that mom and dad have their time. After the rest and sharing moment the tasks of housework could be shared. While mom is making dinner, dad can take the kids on a clean up expedition. Or even outside for play or a snowball fight.

Start today by finding the time to give each other a hug and kiss.

Then spend your day with a smile!

Me ???

A bit more about the imperfectness called me...

I really dislike doing these pieces. It's just not natural for me to be talking about things that I feel are my weaknesses. But some seem to think I'm close to perfect and that I'm outgoing and confident... Uh hu... It may seem that way but I do have my own faults.

Writing this blog was started because I read what I saw as hurt from some other people. Hurt I can understand, it's been a really big part of my life. If by writing this blog I can make someone smile, let someone know they're not alone, can amuse someone for a few moments so they can have even a short break from their own situations, or show someone how they are hurting others in their life, then I'll feel I've done something worthwhile.

I do know loneliness and a troubled mind. By sharing my own loneliness I hope to let other lonely people know they are not alone. There are others and there are many... I've personally met many and I've shared time with many. They have put a smile on my face and I've even been able to make them smile. That may not be a cure, but it sure is nice to have even a short break from feeling lonely!

My own loneliness comes mostly from becoming very cynical.

Over a lifetime many people I thought were friends have shown they were nothing but back stabbers. Real nice to your face but ready to put you down and bad mouth you when you weren't around. So I no longer have more than a very few who I consider real friends. Others I can only feel are acquaintances. I've built walls that people would have to struggle to climb over to even get a chance at being a friend. That makes it real hard for anyone to even want to try... I understand that but yet, I've been hurt enough for one lifetime...

There are days that I let the defenses down and again start to get to know people, but then the next day I begin to fret over it and up again go the walls. The guy that was all talkative and fun to be around gets quiet. Kinda waiting to see what others have to say or what they might want to do. Then people feel uncomfortable and feel I don't like them so they kinda don't seem to want to be around me.

But also I don't feel right always being the leader. If someone else is always telling me what we are going to do I get to feeling that what I might want doesn't matter. I think it's right to share good times and a huge part of sharing is doing what others want. Is that so screwed up...

Then there is the lonely old guy that has no woman to complete him and enjoy life with. No one to sit on the porch with. No one to hold hands with. No one to play with. No one to talk over the day with. No one to dream dreams with. And yes, no one to mess up the sheets with.

But same problem. Been hurt enough that I've become cynical about love. At least a love for me. I've become so darned cynical about it I can't seem to even try any more.

I used to see a woman and see honest eyes, pretty smile, sexy hair, sexy figure, great looking butt, nice boobs, wrap around legs. Then I'd want to get to know her. No, I'd be determined to get to know her! The me cave man would want to take care of her and protect her!

Now... I look, think eh, OK, but I just see a female person. Seems the only thoughts I have are, wonder if she even knows what a pot is, or can even boil water. Wonder if she even cares about family, or is she one of those that feel kids are a burden. Wonder how afraid she is of physical work and getting dirty. Wonder how mad she'd get at me when I would be in the midst of a busy seasons and had to work from sun up to sun down and not leave the farm for weeks at a time. Wonder if she even knows how to spell responsibility. Wonder if she's just another lifelong partying fool with no sense of direction...

There is also my really messed up back that has me struggling to do anything a lot of days. Who could want to put up with that!

Then I just turn away and give up without even asking her name...

Now that's a super flaw. How could one ever overcome loneliness when the hope is lost before it can even begin...

There is a monstrous wall, very high, very wide and very very challenging. It's a wall I never even realized I was building until I found myself hopelessly trapped inside of. I can't even find a place to begin to build a door.

OK, that last line hurt. Guess I didn't realize it until I wrote it.

But I'm gonna go and get on with my day. Give me a bit and I'll find something to smile about. I always do. To me it's the only way to survive in a world that seems hell bent on making people feel bad.

So you! Don't feel sad for me. I won't for long, I refuse to dwell in sad!

Now get out there and make someone smile and for the sake of sanity...

Smile and laugh yourself, and have a great day!

Stop by next week for some more reality of me. It's a challenge, but I'm determined to show that I'm no super hero, just a common everyday guy with a life like anyone else.

Nothing, Keep Out!

You see a guy just sitting with a puzzled look on his face. You ask him what is wrong or what he's thinking about. He answers, nothing. What do you do?

Most women seem to take that as a hint to dig deeper. Then when they don't get an answer they find satisfactory, they get angry. The “you don't love me” syndrome sets in...

Women have a troubled look and men will ask. Then women get angry when asked what's wrong and their answer is nothing. Because men accept that and drop the subject. Men don't see the answer of nothing as a cue for further in depth examination.

Nothing to a man is an answer. Nothing is also a place we go where we can chill. Nothing is a space we reserve in our minds where we go to relax. Nothing is a place we go that we allow absolutely nothing to enter.

If something were to slip by and enter our nothing space it would devastate that space and we would need to hurry and build another nothing space. That would not be a good thing. By laws of nature that are beyond me, women can not enter our nothing space. If they did they would want to put in a little chair, an antique table and probably a vase of pretty little flowers on that table. That would destroy our nothing space and again... We would need to build another nothing space. Men can tolerate nothing in their nothing space!

Women seem to have a need to be thinking all the time. Men don't. Men do not deal with thinking twenty four hours a day. We think when we need to, but we take breaks from thought. When men go to their nothing space they flip a switch and the mind goes numb. Should a little light bulb of and idea come on, they flee that nothing space like a rabbit from a ravenous wolf.

Men run into plenty to think about all day. We take each problem and deal with it. One at a time. Not 20,000 at once. Our problems get solved. Then we are in need of a rest. We go to our calm, quiet, nothing space and rest.

We can in no way understand that women can not find their own nothing space like we do. So we sometimes make a mistake and think they do. So when we ask women what is wrong and get the answer, nothing, we accept that and figure you have become enlightened and have found your own nothing space.

So if something is bothering you, you will need to tell us. Be specific. If we have to play seek and destroy you again will become angry with us. Now I'm not saying that all your problems are not real problems, but men do not see some of your problems as problems. Men see many things as only annoyances. Annoyances do not require seek and destroy tactics. They do not bother us enough to be problems!

Men also do not just talk about problems. We fix problems. If all you want to do is chat about your problems then please, say so at the outset. Don't just start telling us about your problems and then get angry when we suggest solutions.

We find a problem, we think of a solution or ask a really trusted friend or two and get suggestions, then we experiment until we have an answer. We do not chat about problems. To a man a problem is a sign of weakness so the less people that know about problems the safer we feel.

We just seek and destroy. Much the same as our ancestors did when still living in caves. If an enemy finds out you have problem it becomes a point of weakness in your armor and is an excellent point of attack... So the way we deal is perfectly natural! It's manly!

When we listen to womens problems and try and solve them we are only trying to help protect you. We can not understand just talking about them. We are creatures of action. So please, at least try to understand and don't get quite so angry with us.

OK, now I have a problem and I must solve it. I need coffee! I will go and get a cup of coffee. I will then drink that cup of coffee and the problem will be solved!

So go with enlightenment and have an understanding, problem free, smiling day!